Need A Vacation
by ArtSharky864
Summary: Cuddy really needs a vacation. So naturally House goes with her.AU, Huddy est. relationship. T cause it's House.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, this is my first fic so don't be too mean! This season has me totally bummed out so this is AU. Just a multi-chap House/Cuddy story to cheer me (and hopefully some readers) up. So here's the deal: Cuddy doesn't have Rachel, no Lucas, and this fic is House/Cuddy established relationship. Let me know if it's too OOC and tell me know how you like it!

P.S.: I forget Cuddy's sister's name, so I'm calling her Julia. But if you know what her name is please tell me!

It was only 10 AM and Lisa Cuddy was already completely stressed out. A very rich couple of donors had just decided against donating a large sum of money to the hospital- money which was needed to purchase a new MRI machine after a certain diagnostician had ordered the test for patient who clearly exceeded the weight limit. (In his defense, the patient really _did _need the MRI, but House reallyshould have spoken to her- maybe there had been another way so they could spare the poor MRI machine.)

On top of that, her sister had decided that today was a good day to call and brag about her perfect husband, and Lisa had no chance to keep face with her- Julia didn't care about Lisa's success at work, and Lisa was not about to brag about her boyfriend because she hadn't actually mentioned that she even _had _a boyfriend to her family yet.

And the icing on the cake was that House refused to leave her alone from the moment he came into work, and although that was only five minutes ago, Lisa _really _needed to get her work done and House was obviously doing everything in his power to distract her.

"House! Can you _please_ just leave me alone to work? Don't make me beg," which she already was doing, of course.

"But Cuddles, I like it when you beg," he answered with a mocking grin. "I also like it when you-"

"Finish that sentence and you're sleeping on the couch."

House clamped his mouth shut for a moment, then said,

"I'm not leaving you alone until you answer a very important question."

"I will not have sex with you in your office."

"Damn. That was my second question."

Lisa sighed and looked up at him. She leaned her head against her hand. "Okay, what's your question?"

House fidgeted a little nervously, as if he didn't really want to hear the answer.

"Do you remember what today is?"

Lisa thought for a moment. His birthday? No. Her birthday? No. Wilson's birthday? No, House wouldn't care about that.

"Um…Tuesday?"

His face fell.

"You forgot."

Lisa started to panic. What had she forgotten?

"What? What is it?"

House groaned and flopped onto the couch, pouting.

"I can't believe you forgot. It's our six month anniversary!"

Lisa glanced down at her calendar, which had been hidden by an innumerable amount of paperwork. Oh, no. He was right. Six months to the day they'd gotten together. The first time he'd told her that he loved her.

"Oh, House, I'm so sorry!" Lisa hurried over to her couch and knelt beside it. "I had so much to do today I completely forgot! How can I make this up to you?"

House sighed before looking at her again. "How 'bout we go out for dinner tonight?"

Lisa smiled. "That would be great." She then suddenly remembered that she had agreed to meet the donors again that night to try and convince them to donate that money.

"But I can't. Damn it! Those donors…" she trailed off.

House nodded in understanding.

"S'ok. The MRI machine was kinda my fault."

"Kinda?" Lisa replied, smirking.

"Ok, definitely my fault, but it wasn't my fault the patient was overweight and needed an MRI!"

"No," she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You're tired," House accused.

Lisa groaned and put her head in her hands. "No, I'm _exhausted_."

"You need a vacation."

"I can't, I have so much work to do."

"You always have work to do," he pointed out, "and it won't actually get done when you're exhausted like this. Put Jimmy in charge for a while. We could go to a hotel or whatever for a few days."

Lisa thought this over. It _did _sound really nice. And she really wanted to make it up to House for forgetting their anniversary.

"I'll go talk to James and see what he's doing," she said. "Now get your ass in the clinic!"

"But Moooooom," House whined, "I'm being really nice today."

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Just find somewhere nice for us to go, ok?"

"Ok," House answered, and kissed her on his way out.

"Of course I'll help you, Lisa!" James Wilson was as eager as ever to help. "You really do look like you could use a rest. Though I'm sure having House around the whole time will make it…interesting."

Lisa smiled, "Thanks, Wilson. I really do need a break." She paused, then said, "Was House acting…different at lunch today?"

Wilson's smile faltered a little, "Well, he was for a bit, but then after I told him that I was going to be having a slow week, he was himself again."

Lisa nodded. She still felt terribly guilty and wanted to be sure House was all right.

"He seemed anxious this morning, though. Came into my office about ten minutes to 10 and I was surprised that he was here so early. Does that help?"

Lisa sighed and decided to bite the bullet.

"I forgot that today was our six month anniversary," she whispered, feeling quite ashamed of herself. House was handling it so well, but she felt awful.

Wilson sighed. "I guess that explains why he was nervous. He was anticipating that you'd forget."

"Yeah. That's the other reason we're going for a vacation. I really want to make it up to him."

Wilson's smile returned. "Don't worry, Lisa. By the looks of it, he's forgiven you. He's said something about looking at hotels when we were heading back from lunch."

Lisa nodded and thanked Wilson again before heading to House's office.

"Hey, you," Lisa said softly as she entered House's office. He was sitting in front of his computer, looking at different hotels.

"Hey," he replied, just as softly. He didn't want Lisa to think he was angry with her.

"Find anything good?"  
"There are waaaaaaaaaaay too many hotels in this world. Oh, but this one has an indoor swimming pool…and it's got some big rooms open…"

Lisa joined him at the computer, looking over his shoulder at the monitor.

"It's not too far away, either. Two and a half hours isn't too bad, is it?" The last thing she wanted was for him to have to be in a cramped car for too long.

"No, I could do that…" House replied pensively. He wanted to make sure it had a nice sized suite, that way they could just stay in and rest if that was what Lisa wanted to do.

"Hey," he said, "Look at this one. The bed is king sized and it has a Jacuzzi bathtub. How does that sound?"

"Really good." Hearing about it made Lisa realize how tired she really was.

"Ok. We'll stay there. When do you want to leave?"

"Well…Wilson is available all week…have you finished your case?"

"Yup," he replied with a grin. "Melanoma, of all things. Sent him down to Richards. He'll be fine; we caught it within the day you gave us the case."

"So…I guess we could leave tomorrow, then?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll have to ask my boss, though. She's real strict," House teased.

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll give you the time. She knows how important it is that you spend time with your girlfriend."

House smiled at that, booked the room, and said, "Well, you better go get ready for those donors, right?"

"Yeah. Go get packed. I'll see you later." With that, she kissed him goodbye, and went back to her office to make sure she had everything for her meeting with the donors.

House smiled at her retreating form…and at the extra sway in her step.

A/N: Please review! I'll update if anyone likes it!

XD Sharky


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you SO much for the nice reviews! I'm so glad people like it! I'm nervous now! Ok, here's the next chapter. Please tell me what you think!

P.S.: The reason I had House remember (and then be upset about) the 6 month anniversary is because it would be really kind of sad if she forgot their one year anniversary. I think forgetting that would be more upsetting and I don't want them to fight too much! Yet…

By the time Lisa returned home, it was already around 10.30 PM. She had _ no idea _those donors were going to be so difficult! She had managed to convince them to donate around half of the original sum, but they had agreed to meet with her at a later date to discuss another donation.

But now, all Lisa wanted to do was go to bed! She kicked her heels off and headed for her bedroom, only to find her favorite diagnostician snoring lightly on _her _pillow. How one person could take up that much space on a bed, she would never know. Lisa got ready for bed quickly, curled up against her boyfriend, and fell asleep.

The next morning, Lisa awoke to the sound of shuffling around her room. She opened her eyes to see House packing a suitcase. Wait, _her _suitcase!

"House! You better put some decent clothing in there!"

House looked up from the suitcase, smirking at her.

"Well, that wasn't much of a 'Good Morning'!"

Lisa rolled her eyes.

"Good morning. You better have put some decent clothing in there."

House's smirk widened into a grin.

"Much better. And _yes _, I did put some decent clothing in here. I also put in your bikini. And some really tiny nightgowns…"

"Of course you did." Lisa got up and headed for the bathroom to get ready. When she had showered and dressed, she went to the kitchen to start on breakfast. She was surprised that House beat her to it, and was already in front of the stove.

House heard her approach and remarked,

"Don't tell Wilson, but I kind of like cooking."

Lisa laughed, "Oh, but this is such great blackmail material. Where's my camera?"

House's eyes widened. "Where you'll never find it!"

After breakfast and loading their bags in the car, House and Lisa were on their way to their hotel.

House, already bored after about five seconds, started fiddling with the radio stations. The random song changes were driving her crazy.

"Can you please just settle on a station already?"

House turned to her and whined,

"But there's nothing I wanna listen to!"

"Then listen to your iPod."

"But I already heard all the songs on my iPod. I'm bored of them."

Lisa glared at him, "You'd be bored of your head and try to get rid of it if it weren't attached to you!"  
"So true."

Lisa sighed, already aggravated.

"Well, why don't you try to sleep for a while?"

"But I'm not tired!"

Lisa narrowed her eyes at him. "Why don't you just play with your Gameboy or PSP or whatever-it's-called?"

House was quiet for a moment.

"That's a great idea. I'm glad I thought of it."

"But _I _thought of it."

"Of _course_ you did, Lisa."

"Wow." That was the only word Lisa had been able to say when she saw their room. It was a spacious suite, elegantly decorated and beautifully furnished. The bedroom contained a huge bed with way too many pillows, and the adjoining bathroom had a large Jacuzzi bathtub and lighting all around the mirror. The common room was the largest. It had a small bar and mini-fridge and a comfortable-looking couch in front of a TV. There was a small table perfect for two in front of a picture window and French doors that led to a balcony.

"Pretty nice, eh?"

Lisa narrowed her eyes at House.

"Just _nice _? This place is beautiful!"

House chuckled and tugged on her ponytail affectionately.

"I'm glad you like it," he said quietly, and Lisa knew that he meant it.

"I _love _it."

"Good," he said, flopping onto the bed and knocking about half of the pillows onto the floor.

"Why are there so many pillows? How many pillows do two people need?" House remarked.

Lisa laughed and lay down on the bed next to him.

"Do you think we're doing something wrong? Maybe using a hundred pillows is a new fad…"

The two lay there quietly for a few minutes before House asked, "Do you want to look around a little before lunch?"  
Lisa smiled, "Sure that sounds fine. We could just go to the hotel's restaurant for lunch, anyway."

"'Kay," House agreed. They put their suitcases in their bedroom to unpack later and headed for the door.

Lisa was surprised at how large the place was. She hadn't realized it was more of a resort than a hotel. It had an indoor and an outdoor pool, a modern-style restaurant, and even a spa.

"This place is so nice," Lisa remarked, then narrowed her eyes at House. "Just how much are you paying for this?"  
"Who cares?" House replied, still looking around. "It's not like I don't have the money."

Lisa considered this and was about to respond and she almost missed House saying softly,

"Besides, you're worth it."

Lisa nearly gasped aloud and stopped him by grabbing his arm. They had been wandering the halls alone, but she looked around quickly again before she kissed him. House was rather surprised; normally, Lisa wouldn't kiss him like _that _in public. She pulled away when she heard a door slam shut down the hall.

"We will continue this later," she promised. House just chuckled.

"I will hold you to that," House said. He suddenly became aware of the fact that he was hungry.

"Can we go get lunch now?" House whined, theatrically clutching his stomach.

Lisa rolled her eyes, "Fine, let's go down to the restaurant."

He could be annoying, but Lisa had to admit that her boyfriend could be sweet sometimes.

A/N: Sorry this chap's a little shorter than the other, but I didn't finish all my homework yet ;D

Also, next chap's gonna have to be a little longer. The twist is coming upon us! Oh wait, I shouldn't tell you that…

Ok, Sharky out!

XD Sharky


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you sooooooo much for the reviews!!! I'm so happy that you guys like my story!!! Ok, just a warning, some rude language ahead. Also, no smut, but mentions sex in passing, so watch out if that bothers you. And there are some of House's sort of racist-but-not-quite jokes. I hope not to offend anyone! To answer House-Cuddy-Dynamite's question, I hadn't actually thought of when this takes place, but I've decided on somewhere during Season 4, cause Amber will most likely be showing up in this (and not as a hallucination!). I'm probably just going to forget about Mayfield altogether.

* * *

Anyway, slightly longer chap ahead! And away we go!!

Every story has a protagonist. (Or two, in this case.)

Every _good _story has an antagonist.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you our very own antagonist:

WALLACE P. WALLACESON III!!!!

(Yes, that is his real name. No, it is not a sick joke played by his parents. His mother had always wanted a little one called "Wallace." Yes, really.)

Anyway, our Wallace happens to be a very _interesting_ character.

He is of average height, but works out, and has chin and pec implants. Yes, _pec_ as in pectoral. Like man-boobs! But not really.

(I told you he was interesting!)

His hair is too blond for the rather orange color that the spray-on tan has rendered his skin.

His teeth are a blinding white, and are big enough to remind me of a hippopotamus.

Wallace is under the impression that if he talks with a foreign-sounding accent, people will find

him sophisticated. He is wrong of course; the only reason he has friends is because his father,

Wallace P. Wallaceson II, has paid their families off. (As a successful lawyer, he believes this is

okay.) Also, since Wallace III looks too much like a game show host to be ignored, he is often

given special treatment, and generally just has a swelled head. (To go along with the swelled

ego, of course.)

Along with being an over-privileged overgrown rich kid, Wallace is not what one would consider a "nice person."

Indeed, names such as "jerk" and "brat" and "monkey-fucker dipshit" have been bestowed upon him.

Wallace has the tendency to think himself entitled to everything, and as such, steals. A _lot _.

When he was four, he stole his friend's last cookie. (Treason!)

At age twenty, it tickled him to steal money from his mother's purse.

And now, he steals girlfriends.

As his posse descends upon this hotel resort for a completely unnecessary vacation and to attend one of the hotel's parties, he sees it as a hunting ground, another opportunity to steal a beautiful lady from the first poor sap he comes across.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Well, you know, unless you're too busy laughing at the bloke and calling him rude names in your mind.

That's okay, too.

* * *

The hotel's restaurant was rather empty, so House and Lisa were seated quickly and going through the menu together.

"I'm going to get…the Caesar salad. What about you?" Lisa said, perusing the menu.

"I'm thinking I'll get a cheeseburger…but I'm putting those _pickles _on your plate."

He said the word "pickles" as if it were some horrible disease. But the boring kind, because he admittedly doesn't mind the interesting horrible diseases.

"They're just pickles, House," said Lisa, rolling her eyes. "They can't hurt you or anything."

"That's what they _want _you to think! Pickles are disgusting perversions of nature!"

The waiter just happened by to take their orders, but they were still arguing about pickles.

"Um...do you need more time to decide, sir?" he asked nervously, hoping the man's animosity was only towards pickles.

"No…we're ready," said House, slightly disappointed that such a good debate had been ruined.

They ordered their lunch and the waiter took his leave of them.

Suddenly, House reached across the booth and took Lisa's hand.

She looked surprised. "What's wrong?"

It was House's turn to roll his eyes. "Whenever I do something…nice…you think that there's something wrong."  
"So…you're holding my hand…because you want to?"

Her voice sounded so hopeful that even if she wasn't right, House would have agreed anyway.

He gave her his best "duh?" look and said, "Well, we are here for our anniversary, aren't we?"

Lisa smiled radiantly, and House started worrying that if his insides kept melting like this, he might go into total organ failure.

Just then, a man with giant teeth had been passing by and noticed Lisa. He swore that he'd never seen anyone so beautiful in person before, and decided that she simply _must _be his girlfriend.

This man was Wallace P. Wallaceson III. But you knew that.

He did notice her holding hands with some guy, but after he saw the man's cane, Wallace was sure he had the advantage. Why would someone like her want to be with someone like _that _?

Wallace decided to approach with a solid pick-up line to help his chances.

"What's cooking, good looking?"

Lisa turned to the source of such a corny line, only to see a rather strange looking man.

"Um…can we help you with something?" she said, once she'd found her voice.

"Oh, _you _can. Tell me your name, beautiful."

Lisa arched an eyebrow, but the man looked somewhat harmless and she decided to comply.

"I'm Lisa Cuddy, and this is Greg House. We're here for our _anniversary _," she said with emphasis, to make sure he knew she was spoken for.

"Oh, I see," he answered uninterestedly. He then regained his previous arrogance and declared, "I am Wallace P. Wallaceson the Third. Son of Wallace P. Wallaceson the Second, the incredibly rich lawyer."

Lisa nodded absently, too preoccupied with the fact that House was now staring out the window, trying not to let Wallace bother him. It wasn't working.

"Well, Wallace," Lisa started, as politely as possible, "we were just about to have lunch. Perhaps we could all chat later?"  
"Hmm…" Wallace said, pretending to think about it. "I don't know. I'd really prefer to just talk to _you _."  
Lisa frowned. What was this jerk trying to pull?

"Yes, well," she said, curtly now, "We are a package deal."

Wallace frowned, but seeing the waiter heading in their direction, he decided to take a more…complicated approach. This one would be hard to get. But that would make his victory so much sweeter.

"All right then. Are you two going to the party tonight?"  
"What party?" Lisa asked, curious now.

"Well," Wallace answered, straightening his hideous striped-and-paisley tie, "the hotel often has parties, just for the heck of it. All guests are allowed to come. In a few hours, the place will be full of people who live nearby but check in just so they can attend. That's why my friends and I have arrived today."

"Oh," Lisa said. She didn't think House would really agree to something like that. "I don't think we'll be attending."

"We'll go if you want to," House said, surprising both Lisa and himself. He definitely didn't want to go to some party full of rich snobs. But if Lisa wanted to, then, hell, they were going.

Lisa smiled at him briefly before turning back to Wallace. "We might see you there."

Wallace nodded, and bid them farewell as the waiter arrived with their lunch.

* * *

As they were heading back up to their room, Lisa noticed that House was still sulking.

"What's wrong?" she asked, hoping he would give her an honest answer.

House sighed, deciding to just go ahead and tell her.

"I should do that."

Lisa was thoroughly confused. "Do what?"

House sighed again, "I should call you names like 'Beautiful.' Like _he _did."

Lisa shook her head. "I like it that you just call me 'Lisa.' Plus you say it with such a cute lisp…"

House turned to her, horrified.

"I do _not _have a lisp."

" 'Denial' is not just a river in Egypt."

House was about to respond when Lisa suggested, "Let's take a bath."

He would be an idiot to turn that offer down. "'Kay."

Lisa went to run the bath water and House went to the closet to find some towels. When he reached the bathroom, Lisa had already pinned her hair up and was in the tub, her clothes folded neatly on the counter next to the sink. House undressed also and got into the bathtub with her.

They had been relaxing against the soothing jets of water when House suddenly remembered something.

"I'll be right back!" he cried, leaving Lisa to laugh at his naked ass as he hurried back to their bedroom.

House returned triumphantly with a rubber ducky, a toy boat, and a plastic shark.

Lisa raised her eyebrows at him. "What are you, five?"

House rolled his eyes in return. "NO. I just use these to tease the ducklings- I mean, the old team. I'll show you."

He picked up the toy boat. "Yo. I'm Foreman. I'm black and I want everyone to be aware of it. The patient has Lupus."

He then picked up the rubber ducky and said with an Australian accent, "Oi, g'day mate. It's nevah Lupus. Oi'm a suck-up."

House held up the shark in his other hand. "Chase," the shark addressed the ducky in a falsetto voice, "don't be rude to Doctor House. He's _dreamy _but if I make a move on him, his girlfriend will scratch my eyes out. And then fire me!"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "You are _such _a child. But why do you really have…bath toys?"

House shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, when my leg cramps up really bad, and I get bored of reading, I have to have something to distract myself. I just try to make myself laugh…you know, keep my mind off the pain."

He looked rather sheepishly at Lisa, who, to his surprise, didn't look weirded out at all.

"That's a great idea, House. It's funny. Plus, it's better than popping too much Vicodin."

"Don't worry, Lisa," House said reassuringly, "I won't do that to you."

Lisa smiled softly. "I certainly hope not!" she said, moving to kiss him.

She certainly kept her promise to "finish this later."

She also tried not to think about what Freud would say if he knew that having sex in a bathtub with children's toys in it didn't bother them, and briefly wondered if there was some sort of topical cure for the Freudian slip.

As they were snuggled against one of the jets of water, Lisa could tell that House was getting sleepy. She suggested that they take a nap, and then go to that party later if he was up to it.

House agreed readily and handed her a towel before wrapping one around himself and draining the bathtub. They dried off, dressed, and snuggled together into the comfortable-looking bed for a rest.

* * *

A/N: AH! That wasn't much longer than usual but my wrist hurts. And it took me extra long because I couldn't remember the word "owner." I kept trying to put "proprieter" but that's not a word! So then I scrapped that sentence altogether. Og course, I remember it NOW, but the sentence won't fit anymore, lol.

XD Sharky


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So many people added this story to their "Favorites" List! Thank you so much! Please tell me what you think of Wallace- I know he's a jerk but it's sort of comical. It's almost party time! And we check back in with Princeton…

* * *

Lisa woke up around 3.00 PM to see a still-sleeping House with his head on her pillow with her. She was less than surprised. He never _said _it, but she knew that he liked to be close to her.

Lisa jumped a little when the hotel's phone rang. She carefully extricated herself from House's grip and hurried into the common room to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is the front desk. I would like to invite Dr House and his guest to the hotel's party tonight."

So all the guests really _were _invited. Lisa hadn't been sure if that Wallace character was just screwing with them in hopes of…well…screwing _her _!

"Well...thank you for the invitation. I think we'll be attending," she answered.

"I'm glad to hear that, miss. Please enjoy your stay!" With that, the receptionist said good-bye and hung up the phone.

Lisa sighed and hoped House wouldn't mind going to the party too much. She went back to the bedroom and gently stroked his stubbly cheek.

"Hey, you. Wake up, I want to talk with you about something," she said softly.

House's eyes stayed closed but he said,

"I heard you on the phone. I guess we're going to the party tonight, eh?"

Lisa nodded. "You ok with that?"

House shrugged. "Are you going to wear a dress with a ridiculously low-cut neckline?"

"Did you pack one?"

"I packed two: the blue one and the purple one."

Lisa smiled and lay back down with him. "The purple one isn't _that_ low-cut."

House opened one eye, "Then I guess you'd better wear the blue one."

* * *

Back in Princeton, Wilson was trying to finish this paperwork as quickly as possible. Amber was perched on the edge of Lisa's desk, filing her nails while she waited rather patiently. At 6.00 PM, they should have been home an hour ago.

"Sooooo…," Amber started. "Guess what I heard today?"

Wilson looked up. Amber wasn't facing in his direction, but he could practically hear the mischievous smirk that was undoubtedly on her face.

"What did you hear?"

Now Amber glanced back at him.

"I heard that that world-renowned jerk 'Wallace P. Wallaceson III' is at the resort that House and Lisa went to for their vacation."

Wilson frowned, thinking hard. Finally he gave up. "Who?"

Amber rolled her eyes and tossed her hair. "You know! That lawyer's son! They were at last month's fundraiser! He kept trying to pick me up…the dipshit…"

"WHAT? Someone tried to pick you up while we were out _together _?" Wilson could not believe this guy's nerve.

Amber nodded, then paused. "You don't think…they'll run into him and he'll try to steal Lisa, do you?"  
Wilson shrugged, "Even if he did, there's no way they would actually give in. I mean, you _have _seen those two, right? They practically have separation anxiety!"

Amber considered this. "You're probably right…Are you almost done with that paperwork yet? I'm hungry…" she whined.

Wilson sighed. Sometimes Amber could be just like House.

"All right, let's go…do you just want to go out for dinner?"

"Okay, but you're paying."

Really?

* * *

Around 6.30 PM, House and Lisa began to get ready for the party. It only took him a few minutes to put on a clean sky blue button-down shirt and neat black trousers. He still wore his sneakers, though.

When Lisa exited the bathroom, House was speechless. Lisa looked stunning in a deep blue dress with silver high heels. Her hair was done up in an elegant chignon and held with a diamond-studded silver clip. Lisa laughed; House's jaw was on the floor.

He suddenly regained the ability to function when he remembered something. He clawed through his bag frantically before he finally found what had slid to the bottom of his suitcase.

"For you," House said simply.

He handed the box to her rather shyly, looking away while waiting for her to open it. He looked back only when he heard a small gasp.

"House, they're beautiful!"

The box contained the loveliest pair of earrings she'd ever seen. They were silver hoops, knotted around a good-sized single diamond. Those _had _to be expensive. She practically ran to the bathroom to put them on.

"Perfect," House breathed, appearing behind her in the mirror.

Lisa smiled. "Thank you. But why…?"

"For our anniversary. I was going to give them to you later…but since we're going to a party, I thought you could use the now…"

Lisa smiled brilliantly and House snuggled his face into her throat, relieved that she liked the gift.

"Thank you so much…for everything…" Lisa whispered. She never thought that House could be this sweet.

"You deserve it," he answered softly. "Besides, I make your life hell at work, so I should make it really good…not at work."

Lisa giggled. "Thank you for the eloquent answer. But we have to get down to the party now."

* * *

Wallace was extremely excited for this party. He knew that Lisa would be there and wanted to impress her. It was time to put on his best suit!

A few moments later, Wallace looked at himself in the mirror approvingly. He thought that he looked rather dashing, in a flashy white suit with a gold button-down shirt. He wore a red-and white striped tie and gold socks, and black-and-white saddle shoes completed his outfit.

Wallace grinned at his appearance appreciatively. Oh, yes. He was ready. Lisa was going to be his, no doubt about that. But what to do about that boyfriend…?

Wallace would have to think up a very good plan. Or, he could just follow the pair around for the rest of the trip and harass the man until he left. That worked, too.

Wallace grinned as another idea came his way. For him, money was no object. He remembered his father talking about a Lisa Cuddy- she was…oh! Yes! She was the Dean of Medicine at that hospital! The one where he was forced to attend some sort of fundraiser…where he tried to pick up a cute strawberry-blond whose legs went up to Canada…

But anyway! Even rich doctors had money limits. He headed to the phone to place a few orders to room service for his _dear friend _Dr Lisa Cuddy…

* * *

A/N: That Wallace is starting to get devious! I wonder what will go down at that party…

Please review and tell me how you're liking it so far! (Cause we sure ain't done yet!)

And I loved Amber calling Wallace a "dipshit." Priceless.

XD Sharky


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you SO much for the reviews! YAY!!! YAY!!! (In case you can't tell, I am extremely happy.) It's finally party time!! And almost time to see what Wallace has up his shiny white sleeves…

* * *

The party was being held in a large, high-ceilinged ballroom. There were already a lot of people there, dancing, talking, and eating. A group of professional musicians were playing their instruments on a slightly raised platform at the back of the room.

Lisa and House found a table near a window and sat down. Lisa watched as House looked around curiously, no doubt scanning for that _Wallace _character. Lisa covered his hand with her own, and shook her head, effectively telling him that it wasn't worth it. House would have been consoled except for the fact that Wallace had just approached their table.

"LISA! It is SO good to see you here!" he declared, ignoring House completely.

"Hello, Wallace," Lisa said politely.

"Hey, Wally," House put in.

Wallace frowned. "It's Wallace."

House gave him a surprised look. "Of course, Winston. That's what I said."

Wallace glared at him. "My name is _Wallace_."

"Sure, Henry."

"That wasn't even close!"

"I know. I just like flustering you."

Wallace gave him a look that clearly said 'shut up,' then focused his attention on Lisa.

"You look absolutely GORGEOUS," he told her with a lecherous grin.

House frowned, annoyed, but then realized that _he _hadn't complimented Lisa on how beautiful she looked. And he was her _boyfriend_.

"Um…thank you, Wallace," Lisa said awkwardly. This really wasn't appropriate and she really just wanted him to go the hell away.

"You're VERY welcome," Wallace replied, his smile going up a few watts.

"Well, this has been very nice. Now go away," House said, not wanting this uncomfortable situation to go any further.

"I don't think so," Wallace said smoothly. "I would like to get to know Lisa a little better."

"Use your imagination," House said drily.

Wallace glared at House and said to Lisa, "Why are you wasting your time with someone like _him _? Did he even acknowledge how RAVISHING you look tonight? Does he even treat you well?"

House didn't even bother to hide how hurt he was and hurried away as fast as he could.

Lisa, on her part, was horrified.

"You have some nerve! How _dare _you insult my boyfriend? Of course he tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful! He just gave me these earrings tonight, and he said I looked _perfect_! And he treats me better than _you _ever could!"

With that, she stomped away angrily to look for her House.

* * *

Wilson and Amber were waiting for the waitress to bring their orders. They decided to just go to an informal diner for hamburgers and French fries for dinner because Amber didn't actually feel like cooking.

"Hey, guess who I caught making out in the janitor's closet?" Amber started, leaning forward conspiratorially.

"Who?" Wilson asked, leaning forward as well. He liked times like these, when he and Amber could just spend time together talking, even if it was about nothing.

Amber looked around, as if to see if anyone from PPTH was around. When she was satisfied, she said, "Taub and Nurse Anastasiya from Geriatrics."

Wilson raised his eyebrows. He knew Taub had cheated on his wife before- House had gleefully told him the story- but he didn't think that the former plastic surgeon would do it again because it had cost him so much last time.

"Are you sure?"

Amber rolled her eyes and tossed her hair, "Of course I'm sure. It's kind of hard to mistake Taub for someone else. And Nurse Anastasiya is a hussy."

Wilson acknowledged this with a tilt of his head. He had, uh, acquainted himself with Nurse Anastasiya a few months before he had gotten together with Amber. Nurse Anastaiya REALLY did not belong in Geriatrics, but Cuddy probably put her there to keep her from sleeping with patients.

Amber eyed him carefully. "You know her?"

Wilson sighed a little and answered honestly, hoping she wouldn't be upset.

"Well, I went out with her once or twice last year. She's nice and all, but sort of boring. It didn't last long."

Amber nodded, pleased with his honesty. "I know. Remember that twelve car pileup last week? We ended up working together and we got to talking. She said that you're terrible in bed."

"WHAT?"

Amber shrugged. "I agreed. You know I'm the one with all the talent."

Wilson watched her suspiciously. "Is that a challenge?"

"No, it's the truth."

"Thanks, Amber. You sure know how to make a guy feel good."

"I aim to please."

"Oh, that you do."

* * *

Lisa finally found House in an empty auditorium. She heard a piano playing and decided to follow the music. She smiled to herself when she saw that it was him playing. He was really amazing on that piano.

"Hey, you," she almost whispered when he had finished the song.

House jumped and jerked around, surprised that she had found him so quickly. Though, admittedly, the piano had sort of given him away…

"Hey," he answered, avoiding her eyes.

She went over to him and said,

"Don't listen to that Wallace creep. He's a jerk."

"He sure is."

Lisa smiled. "You are wonderful to me. I'm not wasting time at all. In fact, I think this has probably been the best six months of my life."

House tried to hide his smile but couldn't.

"Let's dance," he said suddenly.

"There's no music," Lisa answered with a soft laugh.

"So?"

Unable to argue with that logic, she complied.

House stood up and gently pulled Lisa into his arms. They swayed slowly.

"Happy one-day-late anniversary," he whispered.

"Happy anniversary," Lisa giggled, reaching up to lay her hand on his cheek.

He was silent for a moment.

"I love you…you know?"

Nothing could have wiped the smile from Lisa's face.

"I know, Greg. I love you, too. So much."

* * *

Wallace P. Wallaceson III may have lost this battle, but the war was just getting started. He had upset Lisa and that HOUSE tonight. Hopefully they would fight. But if not now, then they would fight when they saw what was waiting for them back in their suite. They would either argue about who ordered it from room service-

'Or maybe about money!' Wallace thought with sick glee.

With luck, the fight would break them apart, leaving Lisa vulnerable and AVAILABLE.

Wallace had no problem with taking advantage of vulnerable women. Suddenly a thought occurred to him.

'What if they DON'T fight?'

No, no. That COULDN'T happen.

But if it did…

Wallace sighed. He would have to come up with some more ideas- a game plan.

Oh, yes, he would most certainly have Lisa Cuddy, or his name wasn't…

WALLACE P. WALLACESON THE THIRD!!!

Which it is, by the way.

* * *

A/N: Oh, that Wallace! Quick question: Is House being too OOC? I want to write him as being happy with Lisa, but I don't want to kill his character in the process…

And I love the dialogue between Wilson and Amber. She's so conceited, lol.

Ok, please tell me what you think!

XD Sharky


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Wah! Chaptire 6 already! Thank you so much for all the reviews! I'm all overexcited now!! Ok, it's time for Wallace's game plan to be set into motion! What will happen? Something bad or mean, I assume…

(But you know what they say about assuming…)

* * *

After playing a few more songs for Lisa on the piano, House and Lisa decided to just go back up to their room, having…better ideas of how to entertain themselves. By the time they got into the elevator, House was already playing with the curls that escaped her clip and framed her face.

Sigh. The man did choose the strangest times to get frisky.

They got back to their suite and House was about to kick his shoes off when he noticed a man in a rather…skimpy leather outfit.

"Uh…can I help you with something?"

The man looked surprised to see him.

"Is this the room of…'Lisa Cuddy'?" he read her name off of a small scrap of paper.

"Yes. Why?"

The man shuffled his feet a bit. "I'm Jack Hammer. I've been hired to…entertain Lisa Cuddy."

House pursed his lips. "And who hired you, Jake?"

"It's Jack. And I'm assuming that Lisa hired me."

House looked to Lisa now. She turned away, unable to bear his hurt look.

"I did _not_ hire him, House. You have to know that."

He studied her carefully for a few minutes.

"You _promise_ ?"

Lisa nodded vigorously. "I _swear _!"

House nodded. "I believe you. I _trust_ you," he amended.

Lisa smiled, relieved. Then she frowned.

"So, then…who hired you…Jack?" she asked him, unsure if that was actually his name.

Jack shrugged.

"Let me see that paper," House said. Jack gave it to him. House brought it to his nose and sniffed.

"Wallace," he said, eyes blazing with anger.

"Oh, come on, you can't tell that from _smelling_ it."

House pouted. "Sure I can! You can smell his pompous cologne from a mile away."

Lisa rolled her eyes. "You can leave, Jack. We don't really need your…services."

Jack frowned and headed to the door. "The boss better pay me for this," he mumbled.

* * *

"Well that was weird."

Lisa turned to look at House. "It sure was…do you think Wallace will give up on breaking us up now?"

House sighed. "I dunno, Lise…this guy is a serious jerk. Maybe he just breaks people up for fun."

Lisa nodded in reluctant agreement. But something was tickling at the back of her mind. She felt like she had met this guy before. Wallace P. Wallaceson…

The phone rang suddenly, making her jump. House had retreated to the bedroom, probably to change his clothes, so she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Lisa, this is Wallace. Did you get my…surprise?"

Lisa's eyes hardened. "You! How could you do that to us?"

"It's simple, really," she could practically hear the grin in his voice, "You're a smart woman, Lisa. Figure it out for yourself."

Lisa growled and was about to let him have it when he cut her off.

"Don't you remember when we met before? My father had donated generously to your hospital…"

That's it! Lisa remembered him now! That whiny rich kid who tried to pick Amber up at that fundraiser! Poor Amber…

Lisa looked back towards the bedroom to make sure the door was closed before saying vehemently,

"You listen to me. Stay away from us. We are happy and you are _not_ going to ruin it."

"Au contraire, ma Cherie! I can ruin it if I want to. If I want _you_ . And I do! Let me put it to you simply. My father will do anything I ask of him. All I need to do is pick up my cell phone, dial his number, and tell him to revoke any donation he has made to your hospital. And I will, unless you meet my demands."

Lisa grit her teeth, knowing she would regret this.

"And what might those demands be?"

Wallace smirked.

"All I want is for you to go out on a date with me. A little hand-holding, a few smooches, that's it."

"_No _." Lisa spat. "Never. I have a boyfriend. And I don't even like you."

"Hmm…that really is too bad. But don't make such a hasty decision. Sleep on it. We can talk of your choice tomorrow. Good night."

Lisa slammed the phone onto the cradle without bothering to say good bye. She held her head in her hands and felt tears stinging in her eyes.

"Oh, no!" she cried with a whimper.

"What?!" House rushed back into the common room, thinking she was hurt.

Lisa turned to him, trying to suppress her tears.

"Nothing."

House gave her an incredulous look.

"Yeah, right. Who were you talking to?"

"My father," she said quickly. House might believe her; she talked with her father often because he lived so far away.

"Yeah, because every phone conversation I have with my father leaves me in tears. Oh, wait…"

Lisa wrapped her arms tightly around his midsection.

"House…no matter what, I love you, ok?"

"Ok…" he said nervously. "Are you breaking up with me? Because if you are, I' going to break up with you."

"You can't break up with me if we're already broken up, you idiot!"

"Says you! Are you breaking up with me?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "I just told you I love you, how does that translate to breaking up with you?"

"You never know!" House said defensively. "Maybe it was going to be an 'I love you, but…' sequence!"

Lisa sighed. "I am not breaking up with you. I guess that Wallace jerk is just getting on my nerves."

"Yeah. The dipshit," House agreed. "Is that who you were talking to?"

She nodded, fingering the soft material of the white undershirt House liked to wear when he went to sleep.

House laid his head upon her shoulder and played with her hair a little.

"He won't break us up, Lisa. Does he even have anything on us?"

When Lisa tensed, he knew he'd hit a sore spot. "What?"

Lisa sighed. "His father has donated to the hospital."

"Oh."

House sighed, too. "There's nothing else we can do tonight. Let's go to bed."

Lisa readily agreed. Her head was pounding from a stress headache and she desperately wanted to lie down.

She let House pick out one of her tiny nightgowns for her. They climbed into bed and Lisa tucked the blankets tightly around them. They clung to each other as though Wallace might come right into their bedroom and pull them apart.

"Hey Lise?" House whispered, though unnecessarily, seeing as they were the only people in the suite.

"Yeah?"

House was silent for a few moments.

"I love ya."

Lisa smiled.

"I know. I love you, too."

"Ok. Just so we're clear…"

* * *

Wallace sat in his expensive leather armchair, a contemplative expression on his face. These two certainly were hard to break up! Just how long had they been together?

Wallace sighed. If they had been together too long, he might not be able to get to them. But the hospital… Lisa certainly loved the hospital and had invested so much of her life into it. Would she choose House over her hospital?

And Wallace had been bluffing. His father might not revoke the donation because once, whilst staying at his villa in the Hamptons, he had become ill and had gone to PPTH to be treated because of its good reputation. And then there was the matter of his mother…

Indeed, this would be a challenge! But Wallace loved the thrill of the hunt- and victory was always his!

Wallace wondered what House and Lisa were planning for tomorrow. He would need the proper outfit!

A/N: That Wallace is a jerk! He sure does need a cane in the nuts! And he's so obsessed with his appearance. It's sort of cute when Chase flips his hair, but Wallace's obsession with clothes is bothersome…

I just love making everyone call Wallace a 'dipshit.' I think it's safe to say that this will be the running joke of the story.

Also, the word 'sequence' bothers me. When my class was first learning it, we all kept saying it wrong and the teacher yelled at us. Now we all say it wrong on purpose to make that teacher upset. We're so bad...

XD Sharky


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you SOOO much for the reviews!!! I'm so happy that everyone likes the story! I didn't think anyone would read it, lol.

My friend told me that in the next episode that airs where she lives, "House and Wilson vie for a neighbor's attention." I definitely do NOT like the sound of that!

Anyway, Wallace is going to step up his game! Will he succeed? (Ha ha, yeah right…)

* * *

The next morning, House woke up at around 9.00 AM. Lisa was still asleep. He looked at her for a while, taking comfort in watching the slow, rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. She lay on her back, but her face was angled in his direction. He lightly brushed his fingers across her face, smiling when she leaned into him. The soft smile on her face caused his stomach to do a floor routine.

Just when he thought he couldn't possibly love her any more than he already did, she goes and acts all _adorable _on him. Women.

After watching her for a few more minutes, House could ignore his hunger no longer and went to the phone to order room service.

"Good morning, this is the front desk."

"Hey, I was wondering if you took requests for breakfast…"

* * *

When Lisa woke up, she was disappointed that House was not still lying next to her. She got up to look for him and her disappointment faded when she saw him pouring two glasses of orange juice.

"Morning," she called softly.

House looked up in surprise.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," he smirked.

Lisa rolled her eyes and grabbed one of the glasses of orange juice to take a sip.

"I ordered us breakfast."

Lisa smiled.

"What did you get?"

"Some scrambled eggs and bacon for the both of us, and some strawberries. And a fruit parfait for you."

Lisa smiled as she popped a strawberry into her mouth.

House and Lisa ate breakfast together at the table in front of the picture window. The table was small, so they sat quite close together, House's left leg resting comfortably between Lisa's. As she looked out the window, Lisa could see the outdoor pool and the forest that ran from the back parking lot of the hotel to further than she could see.

They ate in comfortable silence before House said,

"So, what should we do today?"

Lisa pursed her lips.

"What do you want to do?"

House thought a while.

"Want to go swimming? They have an indoor pool…"

Lisa nodded.

"Sure. But let's wait a while. Want to watch some television?"

"Sure," said House.

They both headed for the couch and House grabbed the remote.

They could not have known about the maid standing in the hall with her ear to their door. They also could not have known that she had heard the whole conversation, or that she was now going to report it to a certain blond jerk, the one who needs a cane in the nuts.

You know who I'm talking about.

* * *

Wallace was having his own breakfast when he heard a knock on the door. His personal butler, Pierre, who went everywhere with him, answered the door. A young maid was shaking as she stepped closer to his table.

"Mr. Wallaceson?" she said feebly.

"Yes?"

"I-I listened in on Dr Cuddy, l-like you asked."

"And…?" Wallace prompted.

"Th-they said that they w-were going t-to go to the p-pool later."

A smirk slowly spread across Wallace's face. "I see."

It looked like Wallace would have to get out his bathing suit.

* * *

At around 11.00 AM, House and Lisa decided to head down to the pool. House grinned at the sight of Lisa in her little blue bikini. She had brought a book with her, and after laying her towel on the chaise, she reclined to read it. House sat at the edge of the pool a few feet in front of her dangling his feet in the water, the edge of his rather long board shorts becoming damp with the heated water.

Lisa glanced at House. He was absently kicking his feet in the pool, watching the water swirl around his legs. Lisa figured that he must be deep in thought, as normally he was not entertained so easily.

She contemplated going over to talk to him when she heard a very unwelcome shout of,

"LISA! Fancy seeing YOU here!"

Lisa groaned in annoyance and turned to tell Wallace to go away when she caught sight of his outfit.

Wallace was wearing gold swimming trunks that were shorter than others and showed more than she really needed to see. With this he wore a tight-fitting white sleeveless shirt with gold trim and his initials embroidered over the left side of his chest.

She had to work very hard to keep her gag reflex from causing her to spew her breakfast on him, which was not helped by Wallace looking her over, hugrily eyeing the skin that he tiny bikini left exposed.

"Leave us alone," Lisa said, her voice cold.

"No, I don't think I will."

Lisa glared at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you? _I already have a boyfriend ._ And he is WAY cooler than YOU."

"You think so?" Wallace growled angrily. He went over to where House was sitting idly at the edge of the pool and kicked him in the back, effectively pushing him into the pool.

House, not expecting this at all, couldn't move for a minute. He propelled himself back up to the surface when he registered that his lungs were screaming for air.

When he got back to the surface, he was less than surprised to be face-to-face with none other than Wallace.

"You idiot! I could've drowned!"

"That was kind of the point."

House opened his mouth, a thousand poison barbs on the edge of his tongue when the lifeguard hurried over. House soon discovered that he was not the only one who was angry.

"HEY! No rough-housing!"

House rolled his eyes.

"We were NOT rough-housing. This MORON pushed me into the pool. I was NOT expecting it at all."

The lifeguard turned to Wallace.

"Is that true, sir?"

Wallace shrugged.

House pulled himself out of the pool with some difficulty. He grimaced in pain and laid a hand on his back, hoping to ease the throbbing.

"Are you all right, sir?" the lifeguard asked him.

"No," House spat, glaring at Wallace. "HE kicked my back and it's killing me."

Lisa hurried over with a towel.

"Here…" she said softly, handing him the towel.

House limped sans cane to the chaise closest to hers and sat on the edge, drying his face with the towel.

The lifeguard watched him worriedly, chewing his lip.

"We have a spa at this resort," the lifeguard started. "Why don't you get a back massage to ease the pain?"

"Good idea," Lisa said before House could get a word in.

House, realizing he'd been overruled before he could even voice his opinion, reluctantly agreed.

"Yeah…all right," House stood up. "You should get a spa package for yourself, too, Lisa."

Lisa nodded and slipped her arm through his as they headed to the elevator.

* * *

Wallace stomped angrily back into his room.

"PIERRE!" he boomed. "GET ME THAT MAID FROM BEFORE!"

When Pierre brought the young lady to him again, Wallace told her,

"I need you to go back to Dr Cuddy's room after she and that…MAN…leave. There is something I need you to retrieve for me…"

* * *

Back in their room, after having ordered spa packages, House and Lisa were changing out of their bathing suits.

"Almost ready?" House called from the common room.

"Be there in a second!" Lisa called back, removing her earrings and placing them into their box. Lisa smiled. Everytime she saw those earrings, she thought of House. They were by far her favorite pieces of jewellry. She put the box on top of the dresser in the bedroom and went into the common room. House was already waiting by the door.

"Ok, let's go," she said smiling at him.

They left their room, Lisa holding onto House's arm, neither of them noticing the timid maid standing by the wall in front of their suite.

* * *

A/N: OH NO! What is that jerk up to now?

We'll just have to see next chapter…

I feel sort of bad for the maid, having Wallace push her around like that...

Ok, please tell me what you think!!

XD Sharky


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated! I had a very big exam today and I was studying all last night…

My friend told me that I missed Robert Sean Leonard singing! But she was laughing so hard she couldn't hear whether he was good or not. Why does House never air here? Sigh…

Anyway, since you've discovered part of Wallace's evil master plan, I guess it's time to find out the rest!

* * *

"Um, are you sure about this?"

House could not deny that he was sort of nervous. The masseuse was a rather large, well-muscled man and loomed over House, who was now lying on the massage table.

"Don't worry, Dr House," the masseuse answered calmly, "I used to work for a chiropractor."

"Then why don't you work there now? Were you fired?" House knew he was panicking a bit unnecessarily, but still…

The masseuse chuckled and said, "No, I wasn't fired. The chiropractor retired. I took a massage course and now I combine both methods. It will help you, I promise."

House let out a breath and nodded.

"If you hurt me, I will sic my best friend's girlfriend on you."

"Is that a particularly dangerous threat?"

"Very," House said solemnly. "Amber sharpens her talons- I mean, files her nails- every day."

The masseuse chuckled again. "All right, Dr House, are you ready?"

"Yes…?"

"Okay. This won't really hurt. In fact, it sounds worse than it is."

* * *

Lisa was getting a pedicure just down the hall of the spa. She couldn't help but think that the shout she just heard came from House. She knew it was paranoid, but then again, House might overreact to the massage since he didn't seem to want one in the first place.

The pedicurist didn't seem to notice the shout, though. When she felt Lisa's eyes on her, she said,

"Don't worry. A lot of people shout like that when they get the knots out of their back by the head masseuse, Ivan. He seems intimidating, but he's really very kind. He used to work for a chiropractor, you know."

Lisa nodded.

"How crazy would you think I am if I told you that the shout probably came from my boyfriend?"

The young woman smiled kindly.

"I wouldn't think _you_ were crazy. Your boyfriend, on the other hand…"

Lisa laughed.

"You'd be right. My boyfriend is a lunatic. An interesting, funny, sweet lunatic, but a lunatic nonetheless."

The pedicurist looked up at Lisa and stuck out her lower lip.

"No fair! I always wanted a lunatic for a boyfriend. Instead I'm married to a plain, boring, normal man…"

* * *

House sat up from the massage table. The spot where Wallace had kicked him did feel a lot better. But he NEVER WANTED TO DO THAT AGAIN!

"Have a nice day, Dr House," Ivan said politely.

House, still a little shaken up, responded with a spacey, "Yeah…" and went to find Lisa.

He peeked into the open doors along the hall, eventually seeing Lisa getting her nails done at a small table near the front of the room.

Lisa saw him and smiled.

"Hey, you. How did the massage go?"

House shuddered.

"Never. Again."

Lisa laughed and said,

"That bad?"

"Yes. And I'm hungry," he whined.

"All right," Lisa said, rolling her eyes. "We'll get lunch after my manicure, ok?"

House just nodded. He was too preoccupied looking at one of the hotel's maids in the hallway. Hadn't he seen her this morning?

"All done," the manicurist declared, starting to clean the table.

Lisa admired her nails for a few moments before showing them to House. He smiled, though he didn't actually get what was special about the nails. He just wanted to make her happy.

"Do you want to head up to the restaurant now?"

"Yeah. But can we go get my earrings first?" Lisa asked hopefully.

House rolled his eyes but agreed.

Lisa linked her arm through House's, waved good-bye to the friendly pedicurist, and the pair headed for the elevator.

* * *

Lisa hurried into the bedroom and to the dresser. She opened the box and gasped at what she saw.

Her earrings were missing!

Lisa nearly tore the place apart looking for them. When they were nowhere to be found, she threw herself onto the bead, sending the pillows scattering all over the floor.

House came into the room to see what was going on and frowned when he saw Lisa sobbing into the bed.

"Lise? What's wrong?"

She shook her head, not wanting to tell him.

"Come on, what is it?"

She looked up at him, her eyes red from crying.

"Promise you won't be mad?"

"I promise."

She took a shaky breath,

"I lost my earrings."

House frowned.

"Where did you have them last?"

"They were in the box on the dresser," she sniffled. "I looked all over but I can't find them anywhere!"

"Hm…did the maid already come in to clean up? Maybe she took them, or someone slipped in while the door was unlocked."

Lisa sniffled again and rubbed her eyes. "I'll call the manager. Maybe someone just…I don't know, knocked them over or broke them and brought them to the front desk."

She went to the telephone and sat down on the couch to call the front desk. Sensing that she was really upset, House sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders.

"Hello, this is Dr Lisa Cuddy in Room 132. My earrings have gone missing…No, they were right on top of the dresser, in their box…I didn't think anyone would take them…"

House watched as her face fell.

"You haven't seen them at all? Yes, I understand…you'll let me know if you see anything? All right, thank you. Good-bye."

Lisa sighed.

"They'll turn up," House said softly, pushing a lock of hair back behind her ear.

Lisa sighed again.

"I sure hope so."

They sat there in silence for a little while before it was broken by House's growling stomach.

Lisa couldn't help but laugh.

"Let's go have lunch now, ok?"

* * *

House and Lisa were sitting in the restaurant. They'd already ordered and were waiting for the waitress to bring their lunch when they were suddenly hit by Déjà Vu.

"LISA!" A very annoying voice sang out loudly.

Lisa groaned. Could this day get any worse?

Wallace had thankfully changed out of his bathing suit, and was now wearing a dark pink shirt with ruffled sleeves, red pinstripe pants, and a black vest. Overly expensive Italian leather shoes and a gold tie completed his strange outfit.

"Lisa! I heard that you were missing your earrings! Would these happen to be yours?"

He offered the earrings to her.

Lisa gasped and snatched them from his hand.

"Bastard! You stole my earrings!" She accused heatedly.

"No, no! Not _I_ ! I found a maid holding them and I thought they looked just like the ones you wore at the party last night."

Lisa eyed him suspiciously.

"Even if you are telling the truth, this is your fault and I know it."

Wallace ignored her.

"I have done something for you. Now you have to do something for ME."

Lisa frowned. "And what might that be?"

"I already told you! I need you to go on a date with me!"

House raised his eyebrows. "Lisa?"

"There is NO WAY I'm going on a date with you, Wallace. Forget it."

"Oh, COME ON! I NEED you to do this!"

"Why? There are plenty of women out there who are stupid enough to go out with you! Or you could bribe the greedy ones."

"NO! I need YOU! Someone smart and pretty! So that my mother will approve!"

Lisa arched an eyebrow. "Your mother?"

Wallace sighed dramatically.

"I may have told my mother that I have a beautiful and intelligent girlfriend to keep her off my back. And NOW she wants to visit with me. If she finds out I'm a liar I'll have to move back in with her."

House was trying his best not to laugh. But alas, his best was not good enough, and he was bent over the table with hysterical laughter.

"Your mother will make you move back in with her?"

Wallace frowned. "Well, Mummy says that I must have someone to 'look after me.'"

House laughed harder.

"MUMMY?"

"What?" Wallace said defensively. "She insists that I call her that."

"Wow, this woman really has your balls in a blender, doesn't she?"

Wallace looked rather defeated.

"Listen, Wallace," Lisa said. "I'm sure there are plenty other women who are smart and pretty who would be willing to meet your mother."

"PLEASE LISA!" Wallace begged. "YOU SIMPLY MUST DO THIS FOR ME! ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU COME TO DINNER WITH MY MOTHER AND ME!"

Lisa couldn't stand this grovelling. She sighed harshly.

"All right. I will help you, but it will be on MY conditions and you WILL follow my rules."

"Yeah, or else I'll cane you in the nuts!" House added gleefully. At Lisa's sharp look, he said, "What? I'm only trying to help!"

"Ok, Wallace. If I do this for you, you will NOT bother House and me EVER AGAIN. Also, you will NOT follow us around to annoy us or to break us up. AND NO MORE PUSHING MY BOYFRIEND INTO POOLS!"

Wallace nodded pitifully.

"Rules!" Lisa started. "NO touching me unless I say it's ok."

"NO KISSING!" House put in.

"No kissing during dinner. For realism, I will hug you good-bye or PERHAPS kiss you ON THE CHEEK, but that's IT, you understand?"

"I understand," Wallace whimpered.

"Good."

"Can I come with you?"

Lisa turned to House.

"What, and tell Mrs Wallace that I have two boyfriends?"

"No. I'll pretend to be…your brother or something."

"You do realise that we look nothing alike, don't you?"

"Then I'm your half-brother or step-brother. I don't want to leave you all alone around these awful Wallace people."

Lisa rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's protectiveness but agreed.

"Ok," she said to Wallace. "When is this dinner?"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Wallace cried gratefully. "She'll be here Saturday, so Saturday night around…seven?"

Lisa reluctantly agreed and cursed the Jewish guilt that was making her accept such an offer.

What was she getting herself into?

* * *

A/N: I know Wallace seems like a simpering imbecile right now. I almost feel bad. Soon we'll meet Mrs Wallaceson!

Oh, joy.

Please tell me how you like it!

XD Sharky


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. My friend died unexpectedly two years ago around this time and I always get a little depressed around this time of the year. The chapter would have been angsty! Ok, I'm going to un-angst myself and press on, even through (dun dun dun) WRITER'S BLOCK!!! (Insert screams of horror here.)

Thank you for the great reviews!!

Here's to my good friend!

All right! Time to READ! (Finally!)

* * *

On Friday morning, House woke up much later than usual- 10.30 A.M. And to his immense surprise, Lisa was still sleeping. Usually his girlfriend woke at the crack of dawn- ugh, _morning people _!

House was a little sore from that "massage." Admittedly, he _was_ really relaxed… and that Ivan wasn't a bad guy at all…

He was roused from his thoughts when Lisa stirred beside him. She smiled sleepily at him and the pair relished the moment- not that they'd admit it out loud! But they usually didn't get to wake up together, so this was nice for a change.

Lisa reached over and laid her hand gently on the side of his face, stroking her thumb across his high-set cheekbone.

"Sleep ok?" she asked softly.

House nodded upon the realisation that he actually HAD had a good night's sleep. Was this Ivan's doing, or was the emotional exhaustion that Wallace was contributing greatly to indirectly _helping him _?

IT CAN"T BE!!!

House frowned when he noticed Lisa was laughing. The array of emotions that had just flown across his face- from sleepiness, to surprise, to suspicion, to annoyance, to horror- was kind of amusing.

"Stop laughing at me!" House pouted.

"But you're so… _cute_ !" Lisa cried, giggling girlishly.

House was once again horrified.

"I am NOT cute. I am a STUD. I will also accept 'sexy', 'handsome,' and 'hot.'"

"Okay, my handsome stud," Lisa replied, still giggling.

"Obviously, you're not taking me seriously."

"Obviously not."

House continued to pout.

"Why did you wake up on the super-right side of the bed? It's annoying."

"YOU put me there. If you don't want me to be in a good mood, then you shouldn't act cute right when I wake up."

House shuddered.

"Not this 'cute' business again!" House exclaimed with a groan.

Lisa began to laugh once again.

House kissed her to shut her up, but when her laughing once more resumed, he rolled out of bed and went to hide in the bathroom.

"JUST FOR THAT I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER WITHOUT YOU!"

* * *

Back in Princeton, Wilson was having trouble solving a conflict in the clinic. A patient had just accused Dr Cameron of sexual harassment, and was not happy when Nurse Brenda laughed in his face.

"Please, sir, Dr Cameron is very kind and a good doctor. She was NOT sexually harassing you, it's simply part of the procedure to-"

"JAMES!"

Wilson groaned when he was cut off by Amber's piercing shriek. He _really_ didn't need this now!

"JAMES! Your mother won't stop calling! She said that you PROMISED to call her and now she won't leave me alone until you do!"

Wilson pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a migraine coming on. He had completely forgotten to return his mother's call. And she was quite persistent when it came to her sons returning telephone calls…

"Is she on the phone now?"

"No, but she'll be calling back any SECOND now," Amber rolled her eyes and tossed her hair. "If you don't call her soon, she said she'll come down here and you'll be in for a 'talking-to'."

Wilson had no doubt that under normal circumstances, Amber would be teasing him mercilessly for this. But she was clearly quite frazzled by his mother, who was probably the only one doing any harassing today. He turned back to the patient.

"Listen, sir, Brenda is really very sorry for laughing at such an inappropriate time. It's just that Dr Cameron would never sexually harass anyone besides Dr House, who isn't even here right now! Brenda will apologise to you herself, won't you, Brenda?"

Brenda begrudgingly did so, and Wilson turned back to Amber, ignoring the daggers that Cameron was throwing at him with her eyes.

"All right, let's call my mother, shall we?"

He and Amber headed back to his office, where his imminent doom undoubtedly awaited.

Or he'd just, you know, call his mum.

* * *

House and Lisa were musing over what to have for breakfast. They were determined not to see Wallace at all today to compensate for having to spend time with TWO Wallacesons tomorrow.

In the end, they decided to just call for room service again and settled onto the couch to wait.

While they waited for their orders to be delivered, Lisa's cell phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lise, it's Amber," a tired-sounding voice groaned on the other end.

"Hey, Amber, is everything all right at the hospital?"

"Other than Cameron being accused of sexual harassment by an idiot patient? No."

Lisa sighed. Amber really did act just like House…

"And James's mother has been calling nonstop for the past three hours! I just really need to talk to a woman- specifically one that isn't her!"

Lisa couldn't help but laugh.

"Dr Cameron sexually harassing patients? James's mother calling as though her life depends on it? All the interesting things go on when I'm not around!"

"Yeah. Especially because James is, like, a total pushover. But he managed to force Brenda into apologising to the patient for laughing in his face!"

Lisa laughed again and was able to fill Amber in about most of the goings-on with Wallace- but left out House's hurt feelings so as not to embarrass him in front of his best friend's girlfriend.

When their breakfast arrived, Lisa said good-bye to Amber, and she and House made their way over to the little table to eat.

"Soooo…what happened with Cameron?"

"Apparently a patient though that Dr Cameron was harassing him."

House grinned, "If the patient was smart, he'd know that what she was doing was part of the procedure. Besides, Cameron only sexually harasses me! And not around you. Cause you would scratch her eyes out. I hope."

Lisa rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right. I would NOT scratch her eyes out. I'd poke them out with the heels of my stilettos after using them to cut off her air supply."

House's grin widened, "Oh, my murderous little minx, you say the sweetest things…"

Lisa merely rolled her eyes again.

* * *

"AND PIERRE! GET FRESH PILLOWS FOR MUMMY'S SUITE! GOOSE DOWN ONLY! SHE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYTHING ELSE!"

Wallace knew that his mother was not due to arrive for another day, but he was still panicking. He manically ordered all of his servants around, wanting everything to be absolutely PERFECT, because his mother would have nothing less than PERFECTION.

Truthfully, Wallace was very nervous about this visit. If everything went according to his plan, there would be nothing to worry about at all. But that HOUSE… surely he'd ruin everything for the fun of it. And then Wallace would have to move back in with Mummy!

A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!!!

House had been perfectly accurate when he said that Wallace's mother had his balls in a blender. And she would set that blender to OBLITERATE the second she got a chance.

'Calm down, Wallace," he told himself, 'you're completely overreacting, old man. You'll wake up with gray hair tomorrow. Everything will be fine.'

Everything will be fine.

He hoped.

* * *

A/N: Wallace's mother will arrive soon! DUN DUN DUN!!! (Ooh, I'm in a dramatic mood today!)

Thank you again for the reviews, and I really love the "Cane in the nuts" line! Thanks!

Ok, please tell me what you think! And suggestions are always welcome, for this story or future ones!  
XD Sharky


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I'M SORRY! I know I haven't updated in so long, but I have two solid weeks of exams starting yesterday. Today was probably the hardest test, so I'll be able to update a little more regularly now. (I hope!)

Ok, time to meet… MRS WALLACESON! (Oh, joy.)

* * *

At precisely 9.26 A.M., Priscilla May Hamill Wallaceson arrived at the front of the hotel which her son was staying at. She stepped out of her limousine and surveyed the hotel grounds.

'Looks decent enough,' she thought, accepting her handbag from her driver. Her tiny Purebred teacup poodle yipped impatiently, wanting to be let out of the bag to walk around.

"Hush, Hercule!" Priscilla said sternly. "I will let you out when we get to the room."

Priscilla's personal maid, Antonella, collected the rest of her luggage from the limo.

At that moment, Wallace exited the lobby and greeted his mother.

"Mother! How was your trip? Good morning, Antonella."

Antonella nodded politely, but Priscilla stepped forward to kiss him on either cheek.

"Now, now, Wallace. No need to be so formal with your mother! Give Mummy a kiss…"

Wallace did what she asked, then said, "Shall I lead the way to your room, Mummy? I made sure everything is just the way you like it."

Priscilla nodded and Wallace held out his arm for her to take.

* * *

"Good morning, Madame Wallaceson," Pierre said. He had just finished the final touches on Priscilla's room and was extremely grateful that he had done so just in time, lest he incur the wrath of Priscilla Wallaceson so early in her visit.

Now don't give me that look. It's bound to happen _eventually _. Really, now.

"Well, good morning, Pierre. I trust you've been taking adequate care of my son?"

"Of course, Madame," Pierre said with a smile. "Wallace is a _delight_ ."

What a lie. But Pierre's not really a bad guy, he just needs the money.

"Antonella!" Priscilla commanded sharply. "Take Hercule for a walk. He needs to stretch his legs."

Antonella tried to hide her sigh as she lifted tiny Hercule out of the handbag and hooked his leash onto his diamond-encrusted collar.

"Now," Priscilla said, turning to Wallace. "This girlfriend of yours. I should like to meet her immediately."

"Uh…well, Mummy, she has to get ready to meet us at dinner tonight. She is probably at the day spa or hairdresser…we really mustn't bother her…"

Priscilla shot him a look but decided to comply.

"What time is dinner, then?"

"At 7.00 tonight," Wallace answered, feeling relieved that his mother didn't push him to let her meet his 'girlfriend' right now.

Priscilla nodded and began to unpack her things, placing her jewellry box on top of the dresser and hanging several dresses in the closet. She would decide what to wear later. But more importantly…

"OH WALLACE! Let Mummy help you decide what to wear tonight!"

Oh, the horror.

* * *

Back in their suite, House and Lisa were trying to make the most of the time they had before meeting Mrs Wallaceson. They were snuggled on the couch watching some television, House's lanky form draped lazily over her.

But the more she thought about the impending meeting, the more anxious she became. Lisa realized that she knew nothing about Mrs Wallaceson- not even her first name. And would she be as pompous and annoying as Wallace? He was enough to deal with. She really (gasp) sympathized with House. Wallace was, in truth, bullying him, and now Wallace was blackmailing her! This was just getting more ridiculous by the day.

Sigh. So much for a relaxing vacation.

She turned to House when she felt him shifting beside her.

"You ok?"

House was quiet for a moment, then said, "Do you really think this is a good idea?"

Lisa was a little surprised that House was so in tune with her.

"No. But I don't think we have a choice, House. I mean, his father donated so much to the hospital. If I lose that…" she trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Because the reality was, without the proper funding, she wouldn't be able to pay for House's (albeit less frequent) lawsuits for rudeness to patients or risky procedures. And if she couldn't pay for the lawsuits, House would be stamped as a LIABILITY, and possibly fired.

And she DEFINITELY didn't want that.

It was then that she decided that, should he be fired, she would also leave the hospital. It wouldn't be the same without him. Though the board would probably protest…hell, they might even comply with her demand of keeping House if they wanted her to stay enough. The board didn't disapprove of the relationship as much as it pretended to. In fact, at the end of the board meeting at which she had told them, many of the members had actually congratulated her!

And when she had told Brenda, she was ecstatic! In truth, Brenda didn't HATE House, per se, he just…REALLY REALLY ANNOYED her- like a bothersome younger brother. But that people at the hospital were genuinely glad for Lisa and House, and glad that they had found their own happiness with each other…well, that actually meant a lot to her.

It must be hard to hate House, Lisa decided then. Well, she knew that firsthand- she had tried to hate him once, at least a little, but she hadn't been able to do. It was a wonder to her that people like Tritter or House's father could actually TRUTHFULLY hate him. Yes, he could be cold, or mean, or a jerk (or all three!), but she could never find a reason to truly hate him. Nor could she think of any for them to, either.

'They must be jealous,' Lisa thought.

And as cliché as it sounded, that HAD to be it. House was brilliant and charming and funny, (not to mention handsome, she added mentally) and if he let you really get to know him, his cute, playful personality would win you over (Come on, you remember how he was when he was on the ketamine!). House being a smart-ass was no defense. Everyone's a smart-ass SOMETIMES! She had been smart with her parents (and others!) before, but they didn't hate her or take her to court or do whatever-the-hell House's father did to him (after his last nightmare, she decided that she didn't want to know). So, the only logical conclusion was that they must be jealous.

Lisa sighed aloud. She was mentally exhausted, which is sometimes worse than physical exhaustion.

House, ever observant, sensed her inner turmoil and snuggled closer to her, stroking his thumb in what he hoped was a soothing way on her back.

Lisa just looked at him, her anxiety easy to see on her face. House thought it might be time for him to do what he does best.

No, he's not going to diagnose her. She's not sick.

NO, they are NOT going to make love now! Maybe later though.

THAT'S RIGHT! It's time for a DISTRACTION!!! (Cue canned laughter. Or applause. Either is fine, really.)

"So, Lisa," House said, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, "how about you let me help you decide what to wear tonight?"

Is this scarier than Wallace's Mummy helping him? I'm not so sure which is worse at this point.

* * *

That evening, Priscilla Wallace prepared to meet her son for dinner. She picked out a floral-print dress, which Antonella was currently ironing, and a light pink bolero to go with it. She was sat at her vanity table, arranging her hair and make-up.

'After I finish,' she thought, 'I'll go help Wallace with his ensemble. Then I'll finally meet the woman who has captured my dear son's heart!'

While Priscilla was excited at the prospect of him marrying this woman and giving her grandchildren, she had to admit that she wouldn't like not being the only woman in Wallace's life. But so long as he was taken care of…

"Um…Madame? Your dress is ready," Antonella said softly.

Hercule dashed around her feet as she surveyed the dress as she held it in the air.

"Hercule! Behave yourself, dear. I fear someone may step on you," Priscilla scolded the dog. It was true that he could be stepped on easily, however- even with his high-pitched yips, his nineteen centimetres were not so noticeable.

Hercule more or less ignored her, and dashed off somewhere else to find something to play with. Perhaps after Priscilla left, he'd play with Antonella, or beg a pretty hotel maid for some table scraps…

"Well then, Antonella," Priscilla said briskly after adorning her jewellry, "I'll be off. Hercule, behave yourself."

Priscilla left her suite and headed in the direction of Wallace's room.

Oh yes, she could hardly wait to meet this woman.

Wallace NEVER disappointed his Mummy.

Well, almost never.

* * *

A/N: What do you think of Mrs Wallaceson?

I named Hercule after 'Hercule Poirot' from Agatha Christie. I love her books (and Poirot!) and I thought that a tiny teacup poodle would be the perfect candidate to be named Hercules!

By the way, Teacup poodles really ARE that tiny. I once saw a puppy that was only about 14 centimetres!

And I think I may have accidentally admitted how cute I thought House was on ketamine (**). Or maybe that episode was when he became my favorite character on the show, although I only realised this recently, when Cuddy was being a total bitch to him...

Anyway, please tell me what you think of this chapter, and what you think I could do better!

XD Sharky


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I'm glad that no one likes Priscilla, because I don't like her very much myself! Is that bad?

Time to get ready for THE DINNER!!

* * *

"What about this one?"

Lisa was modelling a dark blue skirt that stopped just a bit above her knees. It was the fifth skirt she'd tried on so far.

"It looks nice," House answered simply.

Lisa breathed an exasperated sigh.

"You said that about ALL the skirts I showed you."

"They were ALL nice."

Lisa smiled a little in spite of herself, but said,

"Come on, House, just tell me which one looks best."

House scrunched his face up, thinking hard. He REALLY was not the guy for this.

"Um…that skirt would look nice with…that shirt?"

Lisa looked at the shirt. It was a white blouse that wasn't TOO low-cut. The seam of the waist was high, just under her bust, and the short sleeves were slightly puffed, giving the blouse an innocent yet elegant look. She smiled approvingly and put on the shirt, and went to look in the mirror.

"Good choice, House. It looks great. Maybe you could make a career out of this."

"Lisa, I can barely dress MYSELF in matching clothes. This is a fluke. I think I'll stay with diagnostics, if you don't mind."

Lisa rolled her eyes and pinned her hair up. She wanted to be sure that everyone could see her earrings- perhaps that would remind Wallace that she had no interest in him whatsoever.

Besides, they were pretty.

Lisa added the finishing touches to her make-up and turned around for House to see.

"What do you think?"

"Wow. You look…" House's brain wasn't functioning correctly and he couldn't think of a more sophisticated word than 'good.'

Lisa grinned at his reaction.

"Ok, now we have to pick out something for you."

House groaned. "Can't I just wear what I have on now? We're not seeing anyone important, just those WALLACES…"

"And have them think my boyfriend-slash-brother is a slob? No thank you. Which reminds me, we need to think up a good cover story…"

"Right. How about…our parents sent me to come on this dinner with you to make sure Wallace is good enough…but they couldn't come because…they, um…had a business meeting."

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "A business meeting? What kind of job has a business meeting at 7.00 on a SATURDAY?"

"Eh…they're…lawyers, ok?! And they had the business meeting today because…their client's wife had a baby on Thursday. So there."

"Why lawyers? And why are they both representing the same client? And what did the client do, especially when his wife just had a baby?"

"I don't know! Maybe he…stole a car or something! Why does it matter?"

Lisa pouted. "I just wanted to know…you're so mean…"

House rolled his eyes and pulled her onto his good leg, trapping her with his arms.

"I am NOT mean…"

"You are so," Lisa insisted, trying to escape his grip. "Let go. I have to find something suitable for you to wear."

"No."

"Why not?!"

"Don't feel like it."

"So?! We have to leave in ten minutes!"

House shrugged. Of course he didn't care if they were late.

Lisa tried a new approach.

"Please, Greg?" she asked sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

House shook his head.

"You can NOT win me over with mere cuteness, Cuddles. I have had twenty years of practice resisting you being cute, so I am the EXPERT."

"Well, then," she responded, seductively now, "how about I make it worth your while?"

House looked at her, interested. "And how do you propose to do that?"

"I think you know EXACTLY what I mean. Either way, you will found out AFTER dinner if all goes well. So be…nice-ish. Or at the very least, civil!"

House sighed dramatically. "Ok…"

"Good," said Lisa happily. "Now let's get you ready. I think you should wear that dark blue shirt I got for you. Or would that be too…matching…?"

* * *

Whilst Lisa was coaxing House into some more…appropriate attire, Priscilla was busy helping Wallace decide what to wear.

"Oh, Wallace darling, you MUST wear this!" Priscilla held up the tie that she had bought for him specifically for this occasion. It was a hideous puke green with orange checks on it.

"Oh…yes, Mummy…of course I'll wear it…"

Wow. That tie HAD to be disgusting if even WALLACE didn't want to wear it.

Priscilla also picked out a pale yellow shirt with lacey cuffs and gold buttons, and a pair of tight white trousers. She encouraged him to wear brown clogs with this, so that his gold socks were VERY visible.

Wallace thought he looked just awful, and tried not to gag as his mother put a too-short red vest on him.

"Oh, darling, you look just WONDERFUL!" Priscilla cried joyfully.

"Oh…yes, thank you, Mummy. Let's get down to the restaurant now. Their filet mignon is delicious, you know…"

The pair left Wallace's suite and headed to the elevator.

* * *

House and Lisa spotted Wallace and his mother near the back of the restaurant. They were already seated together on one side of the table.

"Hello, Wallace," Lisa said, giving him an awkward half-hug. "This must be your mother."

"Yes. This is my mother-"

"I AM Priscilla May Hamill Wallaceson, WIFE of Wallace P. Wallaceson II," Priscilla interrupted, preferring to introduce herself. She regarded Lisa carefully. "And who are YOU?"

"My name is Lisa Cuddy. Um, this is my brother, Greg."

"How do you do?" House asked rather dispassionately.

Lisa elbowed him in the ribs. She gave him a sharp look, which he answered with a very appropriate 'NO NEED FOR VIOLENCE, WOMAN!' look.

"It's very nice to meet you," he added. Ouch, he'd have a bruise there tomorrow.

House and Lisa sat down at the table.

"What do you two do for a living?" Priscilla asked.

"We're both doctors," Lisa answered. "I'm an endocrinologist and Greg is a diagnostician."

"And why did HE come along?"

"Well," House responded before Lisa could say anything, "Our parents would have come but they are tied up in a business meeting. So I came instead."

"Hm. How…unfortunate…" Priscilla turned to Wallace. "Where did you pick this one up?"

Both House and Wallace were aghast that Priscilla could talk about Lisa that way. But before House could blow his stack, Wallace said,

"Why, Mummy, do be nice. She is a little nervous and her brother is merely trying to help."

Priscilla conceded this time with a rather disdainful, "I see…"

Wallace felt rather relieved when House's fists slowly unclenched themselves.

Lisa said nothing, however. She had been cut down on before. But in public? This was going to be a long night…

"So, Mrs Wallaceson," House started conversationally, "how is your husband?"

"He is well…" Priscilla answered, a bit suspicious.

"That's good to hear. We were all quite worried when he fell ill and was admitted to our hospital, Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital…"

Priscilla looked surprised. "YOU work at PPTH?"

"Actually, Lisa is the Dean of Medicine of PPTH," House couldn't keep ALL the pride out of his voice.

Priscilla looked quite embarrassed now. "You were that kind woman who assigned the best doctors to my husband? If I had known…"

Lisa shook her head, "It's quite all right, Mrs Wallaceson, really. You're just taking care of your son. I understand."

Priscilla was pleased with this statement.

"At least SOMEONE understands! It is nice to meet you again, Lisa."

House groaned inwardly. This woman's mood swings were really something. Why couldn't this night just end…?

"Now, then," Priscilla said, "do you have any questions about my darling Wallace?"

Lisa and House looked at each other, clearly thinking the same thing.

There was NO WAY they were going to pass up THIS opportunity.

That would be an EPIC FAIL.

* * *

A/N: Sorry to cut it short…I have to study for MORE exams…

How boring…

And I just wanted to add 'epic fail' in there. Sorry.

Anyway, tell me what you think so far or what you think should happen next!

XD Sharky


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: My computer is crazy! I was typing this chap yesterday and it shut down on me…and then when I turned it on today to try again, my chap had been deleted! NOOO!!! NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN!

Now THIS is an EPIC FAIL.

Anyway, thank you for the reviews! Let's go! (More like, 'let's try again'…)

_

* * *

_

Lisa and House looked at each other, clearly thinking the same thing.

_There was NO WAY they were going to pass up THIS opportunity._

_That would be an EPIC FAIL._

"So…" House started conversationally. "Do you have any brothers or sisters, Wallace?"

"Yes," Wallace answered, eyeing House suspiciously. "I have two brothers and one sister. Their names are Wallace, Wallacette, and Emily."

House raised an eyebrow. "Which one is Emily?"

Wallace opened his mouth to answer, but Priscilla cut in.

"What about you two? Do you have any other siblings?"

Lisa nodded. "Yes, I…WE have a sister named Julia."

"No, really! Which one is named Emily?"

"And is Julia older than you? You look barely thirty-five…"

Lisa blushed a little. "Oh, well, Julia is actually younger than me. She and her husband just got married about a year ago, nice man, that Joe…"

"I'M SERIOUS! WHO THE HELL IS EMILY?"

"Greg!," Lisa scolded. "Don't yell in a restaurant! That's so rude…"

"I'm just trying to find out who Emily is! Because if your sister is Emily, then that would mean that your brother is 'Wallacette' and that's just cruel. But if you named your SON Emily, well, that's grounds for me to report you to Social Services."

Lisa rolled her eyes. "The Wallacesons have the right to name their children whatever they please. Stop being…oh, judgmental, I guess."

It was House's turn to roll his eyes. He decided to change tactics.

"So, Mrs Wallaceson, where did Wallace go to school?"

Priscilla looked a little surprised.

"Why, he was tutored at home, of course. Like all my other children."

"No, I meant, where did he go for college?"

"Oh, my Wallace didn't go to college. He insists that he has a 'calling' in life and needs no more formal schooling," Priscilla said with a sharp look in Wallace's direction.

"What?" Wallace said defencively. "When someone founds a school for stealing peoples' girlfriends, I will be the first to enroll! Wait…"

Priscilla frowned at her son.

"Why were you trying to steal peoples' girlfriends?" She gasped with sudden realisation. "Did you steal Lisa away from someone?"

Wallace shrugged. "I TRIED to."

Lisa decided that NOW would be a good time to distract them, before it became apparent that she was not ACTUALLY Wallace's girlfriend.

"Mrs Wallaceson, please tell us more about your son! We just don't know where to start with questions…"

Priscilla beamed, all too glad to talk about her son.

"Well, let's see…Wallace was born on the second of March. He was rather big as a baby, but I fear he may have stopped growing a little early. He's not as tall as his brothers, you see. He didn't start walking until about seventeen months. We thought something might be wrong with him, but as it turns out, Wallace was just lazy." Priscilla paused here to smile at Wallace.

"Anyway, he was ALWAYS so talkative! He talked so much that he drove his elder brother and sister crazy! And toilet training! What a nightmare! He didn't appear to understand until he was around eight or nine years old! It's a good thing we had him tutored, because we wouldn't have been able to enroll him in school!"

"MOTHER!!!" Wallace screeched, half horrified and half humiliated, "DON'T TELL THEM THAT!"

"What's the matter, darling? Lisa is your girlfriend, and probably would've found out from your siblings, anyway. At least when I tell her, I can make it sound CUTE."

Lisa and House tactfully decided to not mention that they didn't find it cute AT ALL.

"Hey Wallace," House said with a 'this-is-just-between-us-guys' look, "How old were you when you got your first girlfriend?"

"Euhh, well," Wallace started, embarrassedly, "I was…almost twenty seven…"

House tried to suppress his laughter and said with false warmness,

"That's ok, man. I didn't have an OFFICIAL girlfriend until I was in my twenties. My Stacey and I got together when we were, oh, say, twenty-four?"

Lisa frowned at the mention of Stacey.

"Do we really have to talk about her, H- _Greg_?" Lisa caught herself just in time.

House smirked and said, "Why? Are you JEALOUS?"

"OF COURSE she isn't jealous, Greg. She's your SISTER for goodness sakes!" Priscilla cut in.

The waiter who had heard House and Lisa tell Wallace that they were here for their anniversary and had seen the pair holding hands gave them a funny look. Lisa chose to ignore this.

"Do tell us more about your Stacey," Wallace said slyly.

"Why would I do that?" House REALLY didn't want to make Lisa angry.

"Oh, but we would LOVE to hear about your GIRLFRIEND, wouldn't we, Mummy?" Wallace responded, a smirk growing on his face.

"Oh, yes, we'd just LOVE to hear more about yourself," Priscilla agreed, completely unaware of her son's SINISTER MOTIVES. (Insert threatening music here.)

"Ok," House agreed reluctantly. "Well…Stacey is a lawyer…and she…has brown hair…and she's a lawyer…did I tell you that she's a lawyer? 'Cause she is…"

He really didn't know what else to say about her. He'd loved her, and maybe part of him always would (though he didn't think about her much anymore), and they'd had fun together, but honestly, he'd spent more time then he'd like to admit thinking about that adorable undergrad at Michigan, the one who'd captured his heart and the one he'd been running away from. The one he should NEVER have run away from.

House and Lisa just stared at each other. He really didn't know what he wanted to say, but there was something…

'I love you?'

…No. Now probably wouldn't be a good time.

Oh, gee, what was it, right on the tip of his tongue, too…

"I'm sorry," House said. There. That was good. And it was the truth! He really WAS sorry for running away, and felt like he had ruined something that could have been so good, so real for both of them. Lisa was the only one for him.

And she obviously always would be, too, because she understood.

"It's nothing, I forgive you."

They continued to just look into each others' eyes, and House felt for the first time in a while that someone really did understand him. And he only EVER felt that way with Lisa.

God, he was an idiot. Look at what he'd gone and done. How could she just forgive him?

Lisa reached under the table and took his hand, and felt a rush of happiness when House squeezed back tightly.

Priscilla was starting to get the feeling that maybe something more was going on between House and Lisa, and was about to say something when she heard shrieks coming from the hallway.

She, along with everyone else in the restaurant, turned in that direction.

A young maid, still shrieking, ran right into the restaurant, chased by Priscilla's own little Hercule. Antonella wasn't far behind, trying unsuccessfully to grab his leash.

"Hercule!" Wallace cried, reaching down to grab the tiny poodle, "Why are you chasing this young lady?" He turned to her to apologise, only to realise that it was the maid from before, the one he'd intimidated into stealing Lisa's earrings!

When she recognised Wallace, she stumbled backwards out of fear, bumping into a waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. The waiter dropped the tray, and it fell onto a nearby table, splattering the table (and the people sitting at it) with wine and champagne.

Everyone in the restaurant was silent for a while, trying to absorb what had happened. When the manager realised that none of the waiters had re-entered the kitchen to get any orders, he went out into the dining area and did NOT like what he saw.

"EXCUSE ME! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" He boomed. "WHO CAUSED THIS?"

Antonella raised her hand a little. "I'm so sorry, sir, I was taking Hercule for a walk and he got away from me and chased this maid all the way down here."

"Is this YOUR dog?"

"Well…no, he belongs to Madame Wallaceson…but…!"

"Well then I'm afraid I will have to ask her to leave."

Priscilla stood up and took Hercule from Wallace.

"You WILL regret this, sir. My lawyer is my husband, Wallace P. Wallaceson II." With that, she stalked off, a very embarrassed Antonella in tow.

"So…," House started, in a pathetic attempt to ease awkwardness. "Anyone see that hockey match last Monday?"

The restaurant patrons stared at him for a little while. They then went back to their conversations as if nothing had happened.

Wallace at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Well…thanks for your help. When Mummy asks, I'll tell her that we were both so humiliated that we decided to break up."

Lisa nodded in agreement, then looked at him sharply. "You BETTER not bother us after this."

"I won't, unfortunately for me. I agreed to our terms. I got what I wanted. Now I just need to find a new girlfriend. I do NOT want to be living in that house when Mummy sues the hotel." Wallace sighed. "It probably wasn't even Antonella's fault, anyway. Hercule is SUCH a handful…Well, I must bid you 'adieu' and save Antonella from being murdered. She…is sort of pretty, don't you think?"

House and Lisa immediately felt bad for Antonella and sincerely hoped that she had no boyfriend. Leave it to WALLACE to find new 'conquests' every five seconds, I suppose.

* * *

Grateful to FINALLY be alone, Lisa and House flopped exhaustedly on their bed.

"I think I need a vacation from this vacation."

Lisa giggled and said, "Yeah, maybe next time we ought to just hole ourselves up in your apartment for a few days."

House grimaced. "Wilson would come looking and find out that we had killed each other. Or maybe we'd just be comatose 'cause we did it nonstop for, like, three days."

"Ew. Pretend that I'm smacking you on the arm."

"You wouldn't say 'ew' if we actually did it. You'd say, 'Oh, Greg, don't stop!'" House said in a comically high-pitched voice. He then added, "Ow, woman, you don't have to hit me on the arm, you know!"

"I know," Lisa chuckled. "I just wanted to."

"Cold."

"Yes, I suppose you WILL be cold, sleeping there on the couch all by yourself…"

House turned to her, horrified.

"I was good! Why do I have to sleep on the couch?!"

"You talked about Stacey."

"You didn't say I COULDN'T talk about Stacey. And all I could say was that she's a lawyer. I had no idea what else to say."

Lisa pretended to think this over. "Hm…I suppose you're right. Well, ok, you may sleep in bed tonight."

"Thanks for your permission."

"You're welcome," she said, turning over to kiss him. She then kicked her shoes off and crawled under the covers. "Good night."

"Good night?"

"Yes, good night. I'm tired. And being around those WALLACES too long gave me a headache. Come over here and snuggle with me. We can fool around tomorrow."

House decided to comply and pulled his sneakers off.

"For the record…" he started, staring at his sneakers on the floor as he unbuttoned his shirt.

"Yes…?"

House was silent for a moment. He turned off the lights.

"You're WAY prettier than Stacey. Even if she has brown hair. 'Cause you know me. I have a thing for brunettes."

"House?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"I love you, too, Cuddles."

All was quiet for severl minutes (a new record, by the way).

"Hey Lisa?"

"Yes?"

"I never did find out which one was named Emily."

* * *

A/N: What do you think?

Should this be the last chap?

Don't worry if it is, though, because I have plenty more where this came from. Although, almost all of them are kind of dark and angsty…

I tend to go heavy on the sarcasm with serious stuff, but sometimes it's WAY TOO ANGSTY because I always get angsty during winter. (I'm such a weirdo!)

Anyway, please tell me what you think! Suggestions for my next fics are always welcome, and I'll do my best to make the next fic just as good or maybe (PLEASE???) better!

Just in case this is the last chap, thanks for reading!

XD Sharky


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you SOOO much for the reviews! (Sharky is extremely happy!) They're so nice that I was grinning like an idiot in the middle of the library and people started to look at me funny. Since you asked so nicely, I will continue through the rest of their vacation, then probably just slip into a continuation of sorts (Huddy, of course!). It might even turn out to be sort of like a series (COOL!).

Anyway, let's see what happens next! Because I never actually planned this past the pool scene. (Or the stuff before the pool scene, except for the bath scene [that may or may not have been my pet scene that I perfected, reperfected, scrapped, then made a less-good re-do of]. Or the reason they would go on vacation in the first place. Please don't tell anyone.)

* * *

Lisa groggily came into consciousness around 10.30 A.M., but she had no desire to get up. She was still tired from being with those WALLACES last night. Besides, her blanket was big and warm and-

…heavy?

Wait, why would her blanket be heavy?

She looked down and realised that her boyfriend, not a blanket, was draped over her, keeping her warm. She ran her hand through his hair, grateful that it was House she got to wake up with, not that WALLACE.

House did not stir, and she watched him breathe softly against her collarbone, his mouth open in sleep. Lisa stayed there, admiring him. If he knew that she was doing that, he'd probably laugh at her. He obviously didn't see in himself what she did. But then, most people don't. (Have no fear, readers, I know you see it too!)

Lisa had already figured that this morning (possibly the whole day) would be a lazy one. She decided to make herself comfortable where she was, because she wasn't about to wake House. He could be cranky in the morning, you know? And she couldn't just get up. He was kind of crushing her a little. Not enough to hurt her, but enough to keep her exactly where she was.

Lisa didn't realise that she had fallen back to sleep until House was trying (unsuccessfully) to get up without her noticing.

"Did I wake you?" Ah, stupid question, House chided himself.

Lisa nodded but didn't look upset.

"What do you want to do for breakfast?"

House sat back down on the bed to think this over.

"Do you want to just go into town and find a diner or something? And maybe we'll find something to do there…"

Lisa smiled.

"Sure, that sounds good. Want to help me with my clothes again?" she teased.

House made a face.

"No, you can do that yourself. How about I help you in the shower instead?"

At Lisa's glare, he said a little defencively, "What? You said we could fool around today!"

Lisa considered this.

"Can't argue with that logic, I guess."

"It would be stupid to try."

* * *

"I'm truly sorry for how things turned out, Mummy. Reallly…"

Wallace was leading his mother to her limousine. Antonella carried her bags, and the driver opened the door for Priscilla.

"Well…It wasn't your fault, Wallace darling. I'll see you soon, after your father and I get this troublesome hotel business straightened out. Good bye, darling!"

"Good bye, Mummy!" Wallace called, waving.

As relieved as he was to see her go, he realised that he now had absolutely nothing to do.

Sigh. Figures.

He supposed that he could go back home, but them remembered:

There was a party a hotel across town tomorrow night.

Surely there would be beautiful women there.

Beautiful women he could steal from poor saps!

His enthusiasm renewed, Wallace went to pack his things and find his posse.

It would soon be party time once more for him!

* * *

House and Lisa easily found a nice diner in town. They ordered French toast and bacon and were enjoying a quite peaceful moment to just hold each others' hand and talk when House's cell phone began to ring.

He pouted when he saw the caller ID.

"I thought I told them not to call me!"

"The team?" Lisa asked.

House nodded and answered the phone.

"House's House of Horrors!" he cried gleefully.

The waitress, who had just placed their breakfast on the table stared at him a little, then hurried away.

"House," Foreman said in his 'no-nonsense-because-I'm-already-annoyed-with-you-even-though-I-haven't-seen-or-talked-to-you-in-like-five-days-and-we're-more-than-two-hours-apart' tone.

"Foreman?"

"The patient is crashing."

"We don't have a patient!"

"Uh, yeah we do. Twenty-one year old male, body aches."

House was silent a moment.

"I guess it would ruin the game if I suggested arthritis, huh?"

"Maybe just a little."

"Yes, well…I'm trying to eat my breakfast now. And I'm STARVING! Who knew you could work up such an appetite when the only thing you've done so far today was take a shower!"

House was pleased to hear gagging noises, but less than pleased when Lisa smacked him on the arm. Unfortunately, he forgot himself and yelled,

"Lise! Quit attacking me, woman!"

" 'Lise'?" Foreman's voice sounded suspicious. "You really ARE there with someone?"

"Of COURSE I'm here with someone! Do you expect me to have sex with MYSELF in the shower? Although…"

"DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Taub screamed, thoroughly scarred for life.

"Well, if you REALLY don't want to know…It would be easier to listen to Thirteen, though…She catches my attention first because she is a brunette, and, well, you all know me…-OW! Dammit, woman, quit abusing me! I don't like Thirteen better than you! Really…In any case, why don't you go and check the patient for some kind of cancer? Don't call me back!"

With that, House hung up his cell phone and rubbed the spot on his arm that was sore from Lisa punching him.

"Is violence really necessary?"

Lisa nodded, a frown set on her face.

"Stop talking about other women in front of me."

"Am I aloud to talk about other women when you aren't around?" He was smirking.

She pursed her lips. "No, I don't think so. Only if it's medically relevant and about your patient."

House inwardly smiled at her possessiveness, which he actually found to be sort of…cute. But he thought many things about her were cute, so...Well, he could think about it later.

"And why's that?"

"Because," she answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "you're MINE."

That made House's smirk split into a genuine smile, surprising Lisa (and anyone who happened to see, really), because his smile was…well…beautiful. It might be strange to think that way (But you've all seen it, too, right?), but since it was something Lisa wasn't SO accustomed to, she found herself…charmed.

He saw how she was frozen with shock, and allowed a tiny laugh to escape, finding the situation amusing and wondering what Wilson or the team would say.

However, House's tiny real laugh only served to shock her MORE, so she sat there speechless, just staring at her boyfriend.

After a while he decided to put her out of her misery and said,

"Earth to Lisa!"

He snapped his fingers in front of her nose to get her attention and she jumped, startled.

"Huh?"

House smirked, "You were staring."

"Oh."

She still seemed a little dazed and House wondered why he had such an effect on her.

It was just a smile, after all, wasn't it?

Lisa then smiled radiantly at him and he forgot to breathe.

Maybe a smile WASN'T just a smile.

Maybe some smiles are better than others.

House and Lisa continued to eat their breakfast in silence, not knowing what to say, but not really needing words, anyway.

And House had to admit, this was one of the best things about being with Lisa.

No, not BREAKFAST, their mutual understanding of each other!

They could sit together for hours and not say a word, and they didn't feel left out or lost or like they weren't communicating.

Sure, they had a history of misunderstanding one another, but since they'd gotten together (finally), it was almost like they'd always been this way.

Maybe that's part of the reason Lisa forgot their anniversary. Maybe she'd lost track of time.

House would have, except for the fact that he REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO SCREW THIS UP. And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to do something special for her.

At times, House felt like words meant nothing. You lie with words. You can lie with actions, too, but lying with words is easier.

And that was why he wanted to SHOW her he loved her, rather than tell her.

Some people can spew the words 'I love you' and never mean it; or they DO mean it, but it's easy for them to say.

But for House, the words 'I love you' were among the hardest. When was the last time that someone, besides Lisa or Stacey, told him that they loved him?

Well...Never.

So the three simple words meant so much to him that he never wished to say them aloud; he wanted to FEEL it, to think it over and over and savour it in his mind that never stops.

"_Love is a 'doing' word."_

Where had he heard that?

He had no idea, but he couldn't have said it better himself.

"House?"

He realised then that while he was spaced out, Lisa had been talking to him.

"Yes, love?"

Lisa smiled tenderly in response, but he didn't seem to notice what he had just said.

"I said I'm really having a great time here with you. Even if Wallace tried to ruin it, this is probably the most fun vacation I ever had."

He smiled at that.

"But how are we going to top this for our one year anniversary?"

Lisa rolled her eyes.

"We don't have to 'top it.' After we finish eating, let's go look around, ok?"

"Ok," House agreed kind of reluctantly, wondering what they were going to DO in town.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it seems cut short! I have an exam tomorrow! I must STUDY!

I caught the very last minute or two of the episode that my friend told me about on the internet. (Hooray for being able to access things from any country on the Internet!)

I thought I was going to cry when I saw House's face reflected in the glass! (Which is weird 'cause I'm not really emotional…)

How Heartbreaking!

WHY, CUDDY? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO US POOR HUDDY FANS?

Also, if you know what song that excerpt came from, you are a nerd like me.

If not…well, I guess I could tell you next chap…

Anyway, please tell me what you think!

We're almost done, unfortunately…

NOW I HAVE TO THINK OF A NEW PLOT FOR THE NEXT STORY! (DUN DUN DUN!)

NOOO!!!

Um…anyone have any ideas?

XD Sharky


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Sorry about the wait! I was finishing the last of my many exams…

Thanks so much for the reviews! And thank you Fate-Means-Screwed-On-Purpose! (Ha ha, take that, different release dates!)

And, in case you didn't know, I took the song lyrics from 'Teardrop'- the House MD beginning song.

Why, yes, I am a nerd. Couldn't you tell?

Anyway, let's see what Lisa and House do in town today…

* * *

After finishing a great breakfast and dawdling over coffee, House and Lisa decided it was time to go look around town. It was a beautiful day, so they decided to just walk around rather than drive. Lisa linked her arm through House's and they strolled down the street.

They stopped at a music store first. House happily examined all of the instruments. Lisa smiled at his hushed awe as he ran his hand gently down the black frame of a piano, the gesture nothing short of a caress.

"House?" she asked softly.

"Hm?"

"Do you…do you think that you could teach me how to play the piano?"

House smiled, "Sure I could. Let's find you some easy sheet music- the only stuff I have is probably too advanced to start with."

They went over to a rack of music books. House picked out a beginner's book for adults and handed it to Lisa. She flipped through the book and House noticed the slightly nervous look on her face.

"Don't worry. It may look a little intimidating, but you'll be playing in no time."

Lisa was a little surprised. HOUSE reassuring and encouraging her? He'd done so before, but…somehow, it felt special every time.

"Yeah, then we can play a duet."

"Definitely," House said, grabbing a book of duets for piano handing it to her as well whilst he searched for his wallet.

House was paying?

…Who was this, and what had he done with her House?

"Are you feeling all right?" Lisa asked.

House looked confused.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"No reason…"

House looked at her a little suspiciously for a moment, but then promptly forgot what he was about to say when another instrument caught his eye.

He went over and gingerly picked up a violin, its wooden body a vibrant almost-red.

"Would you look at that," House said with a low whistle.

"Do you know how to play the violon?"

House looked around with an impish glint in his eyes.

"I know the basic mechanics. Let's see…"

He lifted the violin with great care and moved the bow deftly across the strings. When it made the appropriate sound, House was encouraged, and soon conjured up a simple tune.

One of the other patrons smiled at him.

"Wow, you're good. How long have you been playing?"

House looked at his watch.

"Uhm…about two minutes now."

The woman looked surprised.

"You can't get that good in two minutes. Not unless you're some sort of prodigy."

House shrugged, unsure of how to answer her.

"Well, then you'd better buy that violin. It must be a…a sign or something."

House looked at Lisa.

"What do you think? Should I get it?"

Lisa nodded enthusiastically.

"Definitely."

House, upon realizing that he had been once again outvoted, carefully placed the violin back in its case and took it to the front.

* * *

"When are House and Lisa coming back?"

Wilson looked up at his girlfriend from MORE paperwork. It seemed endless. How did Lisa manage?

"Oh…um, Tuesday or Wednesday, I think. I didn't ask because I don't have many patients right now…"

Amber thought for a moment.

"Well, then I think they should come over for dinner after, that way they can tell us what happened!"

Wilson frowned.

"I thought you talked to Lisa the other day…?"

"Well, yeah…but that was a few days ago, and she didn't give me too many details."

Wilson relented with a nod.

"Sure, we can get Chinese take away…" he started, but then added mischievously,

"…or we could make HOUSE cook dinner…!"

Amber made a face.

"Is that safe? Won't we get food poisoning or burn our house down or something vaguely dangerous like that?"

Wilson sighed.

"You would think so, right? But he's actually quite good at cooking…the bastard is good at everything he does, so we should at least make good use of him, right?"

Amber considered this.

"I see your valid point. But we should get dessert from that bakery around the corner! I love chocolate cake…"

Wilson shook his head and smiled at his girlfriend as she was whisked away by happy thoughts of bakery treats.

He then realised that she and House were more than likely going to steal his wallet or credit cards and buy half the bakery.

Wilson sighed once more; he could already feel the strain in his wallet…

* * *

"Can we get ice cream?"

Oh, no. He was turning those big blue eyes on her again. And that hopeful voice…how could anyone resist?

Lisa sighed and nodded, causing House to grin and kiss her gratefully.

They stopped at a little ice cream parlour and, after ordering their ice cream, sat at a quiet table near the back.

Lisa watched House, who was happily engrossed in his cookie-dough ice cream (his secret favorite- if anyone besides Lisa asked, he would tell them that his favorite was chocolate), and smiled.

The man loved his ice cream. He didn't even CARE if it seemed un-macho or anything. (Though personally, anyone who shares a love of ice cream is ok in my book…well, you know, unless they're a murderer or something, because that's not really nice.) Just seeing him so happy made Lisa, well, happy!

She liked this, being away from Princeton.

They didn't have to worry about recognising anyone, and the team was too far away to show unannounced.

Which was good, because the last time they'd done that, they had just narrowly missed _quite_ the show.

What? It was late at night, ok?! House maintained that he didn't know that they were going to just SHOW UP randomly at his apartment while they were…otherwise engaged. Nevermind the times the team had called while they were…busy. How unfair…

Even now, though, House was a bit on-guard because it had been a few hours since the team called and they had a knack for CALLING BACK at the most inconvenient times.

So House was less than surprised, but still SERIOUSLY ANNOYED, when his cell phone began to ring precisely at that moment.

"Yyyyyeeeeeesssss…?" House drew out the word as long as possible to annoy Foreman (as difficult a task THAT is…[insert eye-roll here]).

"House, the patient has started vomiting blood and chanting in Cantonese."

"Oh…I can't help you, then. I only know, like, three words in Cantonese."

Foreman rolled his eyes, not that House could see.

"We aren't asking you to talk to him. We are asking you to diagnose him," Foreman said, trying to control his immense annoyance. Which was immense, by the way. Have you guessed by now, readers? I really only keep Foreman around to cut down on him. I don't hate him, per se… I just don't actually like him that much.

"This I can accomplish! Did you test for cancer?"

"Yes," the team answered like a synchronised kindergarten class.

"And did you do the pointless check for Lupus?"

"Yes…"

"Tell me, children," House said as condescendingly as possible. "What do you do when you get body aches?"

"Euh…take an aspirin?" Taub volunteered.

"VERY good, Taub! And what happens when we take TOO MUCH aspirin?"

"…We…have an overdose and ruin our stomachs and…vomit…?"

"RIGHT! So, if we follow this logic, what does the patient have?"

"Lupus?"

House sucked in a breath and counted to ten in Russian.

"Nooo, not Lupus. Try again."

"Aspirin overdose?" Thirteen offered.

"YES! Thank you, Thirteen! You get a gold star!"

Thirteen rolled her eyes.

"You made it pretty obvious…"

"Yeah, but apparently not obvious enough for our resident man-whore."

Taub was shell-shocked. He all but screamed,

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!"

"It's part of my charm."

Lisa started to laugh, and unfortunately the team heard her.

"That laughter sounds…familiar. SUSPICIOUSLY familiar."

"What, are you going to pull a Cameron and be all jealous-and-stalky-'cause-I'm-in-LUV-with-my-hot-boss-but-I-still-want-to-fix-him-and-when-I-do-I-won't-want-him-anymore-like-when-he-was-on-Ketamine?" House liked putting dashes between words in sentences that describe things about Foreman!

Foreman frowned. "If I had actually liked Cameron, I might defend her. But you're right, so…"

"So…"

"So…"

"So…I'm gonna go now. Me and my GIRLFRIEND got lots better things to do than talk to YOU people about some weird guy who likes to puke blood. Later!"

"I wonder who his girlfriend is…" Taub said thoughtfully.

"And people think I'M the dumb one?" Kutner couldn't help but roll his eyes. Gee, Taub was stupid...

* * *

After they finished their ice cream, House and Lisa went back to their suite, House wanting to explore his new violin.

He'd gone back at the last moment to buy some sheet music for it, just to help him get used to playing a new instrument.

So, they sat in their suite, and Lisa watched as House carefully familiarised himself with the instrument.

Lisa found herself, once more, admiring her boyfriend.

The way he treated instruments so…_tenderly_, she decided, was actually rather sweet. She liked that House could be so gentle.

Now, she KNEW that he would NEVER physically hurt her- in fact, HE would be the one who was hurt if she ever suggested it.

But still…she couldn't help but think that sometimes House's actions betrayed his words.

He could spew invective without a second glance, but cradled a violin so carefully you'd think it were his child.

Maybe THIS was the reason she never believed House when he said that he wouldn't be a good father. Because if he cared this much for an instrument, he would certainly care MORE for a child of his own flesh and blood, even if he denied it.

She knew he didn't want children, and even though she DID kind of want to have his kids, Lisa WOULD admit that she was happy with just the two of them.

Because when they were together, nothing else seemed to exist- it was just him and her.

And she really liked that.

"Hey! I got it!" Lisa's musings were interrupted by House's joyful cry of triumph over the sheet music.

"Ok, I'll play it altogether now. Ready?"

Lisa nodded enthusiastically.

"Go ahead!"

House did so, and their suite was filled with a quick, playful melody. House played easily- it was obvious that the man was born to play instruments. Music was such a big part of his life, anyway: Music, Medicine, and Lisa. (And his Motorcycle, but that goes without saying.)

Hey! Maybe that should be his motto!

…Do people still have those?

Lisa applauded him when he finished the piece and he gave an exaggerated bow for her benefit.

"Awesome, House. You're ALREADY very good."

"Now I have another thing to brag to Wilson about! Yay!"

Lisa rolled her eyes, but abandoned her comeback when his smile faltered.

"What?"

"…Well, I just hope my mother doesn't call. 'Cause she is a human lie detector, and when she asks what is new and I tell her nothing…she'll KNOW. And then my dad will give me the 'can't-you-just-be-a-man-because-you-keep-doing-girly-things-and-it-somehow-embarrasses-me-in-front-of-acquaintences' speech."

Lisa rolled her eyes again.

"Then your dad's an idiot. Doesn't he know how many famous pianists and violinists are MALE?"

"Obviously not." His smile returned to some degree and he said, "Should I try the next one?"

Lisa nodded, "Absolutely!"

House flipped through the book, picked a new song, placed the violin back on his shoulder, and began to play again.

'His father's an idiot,' Lisa thought, 'for not seeing what's right in front of him. For not seeing what _I _almost didn't see.'

Lisa decided then that she was lucky.

* * *

A/N: I think I have the beginnings of a new idea for the next fic. But if I go with it, it might actually be independent of this fic, and probably a bit more serious at times. Or maybe I'll do a sequel-thing and have more House/Amber friendship! 'Cause the two of them could commit serious MISCHIEF if they combined forces.

Oh, and please tell me if I got any violin details wrong- I would love to learn it, but right now, I am having an affair with my piano, so…

Anyway, please tell me what you think! And, as always, ideas are welcome!

XD Sharky


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